j o y

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WARNING
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This post may contain sadist & negative remarks which may be disturbing to some people. If you are a positive person, someone who just went through occasions of extreme joy (e.g graduation, wedding, newborn child's birth), you might not want to proceed reading this post. Thank you for your everlasting support to my blog; I feel it from the bottom of my heart.


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A very happy & delightful Pelfy muimui in front of the main stage.

I just returned from Pelfy muimui's graduation ceremony at Wisma MCA near Ampang, KL. Despite the overwhelming crowd expected from parents, family and friends of the graduates, overall it was happy all around. Smiles, laughters, tears, hugs, and camera flashes can be seen almost everywhere, despite the lack of oxygen in the whole area with lots of people. And not forgetting the weirdo weather where it rained like cats & dogs before I arrive there and the scorching sun that shines like some bakery oven after everyone is done with the graduation and proceeded with photo taking outside the building.

Frankly speaking, I feel happy for my dear Pelfy muimui for her graduation. Although we are not that close (I would say I'm closer to her sis, my dai kah cher) , but whenever I see someone in their convocation robe, it's like....bliss. The slight moment of bliss and joy you can see in the person's face when he / she is finally graduating after years of hardwork studies.


However...


I feel that this 'slight' moment of joy and bliss is just so short-lived. I always define this type of moment as temporary. Which is why people often call this 'the most memorable moment of my life' and NOT 'the most memorable period of my life'. Maybe this is due to me living under the shadows of darkness for too long.

To most of my friends, they know me as the outgoing, cheerful and happy guy from the outside, but not many understand my hidden personality from the inside. I live in darkness and sorrow ever since secondary school, as I always prefer to be alone in everything I do, whenever I go. I love the loneliness feeling; the feeling of being free and alone.

Back to the the topic, I feel that moments of joy is just too overrated. Take graduation as an example. Think of it, you study hard in university, after a few years you graduate, go for your convocation, be freaking happy, keep taking pictures until there is no tomorrow, throw your mortar board to the sky or whatsoever, go back home, eat, sleep, then start planning of your first step in the competitive corporate world. Did you realise the 'very short' duration when you are really, really happy? It just lasts only a day max and after everything's over, you're back to square one in the ugly corporate world. Just this afternoon, I was chatting with my dai kah cher's mum while waiting for Pelfy muimui to finish taking pictures with her coursemates and friends. She was saying randomly....


Ahhh, so fast graduate already. Time flies, ehh?


After she says this, I was put to a sudden halt. This very random, but common statement struck me straight at the head. I simply answered , "Yes aunty, time flies so fast until you won't realise it". But deep inside my heart, I asked myself, "Why do joy have to be so short-lived? I didn't really enjoy my own convocation last year to the max, and it's already over before I realise it."

Yes, I know most people will think like me in this case, but in my case, it's different. I am someone who don't really feel happy easily. Tell you frankly, the last time I felt really, really happy is the time I started off my relationship with my girlfriend 2 years back. Before that, the last time I felt happy was during the time I got my PlayStation after Standard 6. Notice how easy I recall the times I feel happy? Because my definition of 'happy' is 'joy which is not short-lived'. And also because the times I felt happy is so little until I can easily count it with both hands. You ask me, 'how about other times, e.g when you score well during exams, your convocation last year, etc.?' All I can say is the rest of the moments are just short-lived joy. Joy which only lasts a while and never everlasting.


Seriously, I have not been happy for a very long, long time.


Nevertheless, I will feel happy 'temporarily' when people around me, especially friends and family, feel happy. Besides, I don't want to become some f**ker who shows a lousy sad, mourning face when a friend graduates or getting married. It's ugly, you know. What's for sure, I'm not a selfish person. Although I take most common, joyful matters lightly, but I will also pray and hope for everlasting joy to all my friends and family.


Haihz...


Enough of the emo talk for today. Seriously.

Getting some rest now before the job frustration kicks in.

Haihz...haihz...haihz....

e m p l o y m e n t

After the interview at Ipoh previously, I went for several more interviews in Ipoh and KL / PJ (in which, most of the interviews' I've went offered me the job!)

But still, I'm....


UNEMPLOYED.


Ok, maybe not that ugly, let's just say I rejected most of the job offers in KL and accepted one in Ipoh. Not to say that they offered me the job in Ipoh straight; they told me to go for some really detailed medical checkup, and from my point of view, I ASSUME they are going to employ me. Or is there any rules saying that when a company sends you for medical checkup, it means that 100% they are going to employ you? Yes, I did ask the person in charge and also the same person who interviewed me in the 1st place, she says that "99% we are employing you". So what about the remainder 1%? Your company is gonna kick me out like some drunkard alcoholic from a bar or something like that? Haihz...



From another perspective..



I have been under fire from many sides after I rejected most job offers in KL / PJ. Parents, sister, friends, relatives. They say that I'm such a stupid id*ot to reject such good offers from companies in KL /PJ, what's more with the attractive remuneration and also the comfort of my own home to accompany the offers. But as always, I'm a very hard headed, stubborn person.Once I stick to something, it will be very, very hard to change my mind. Which is why I'm sticking to this 'so-called-confirmed-job' in Ipoh with no news of confirmation up to now. Or maybe because I just went for the interview this Monday, medical checkup on Tuesday, back here on Wednesday, and hoping for miracles from Thursday onwards. And today's just a Friday.

Tell me, am I plain stupid, anxious or what?



On another note...



Pelfy is graduating tomorrow! And the best part is she's inviting me to her convocation tomorrow! OMG!!! Frankly speaking, it's really a HUGE surprise to receive a call from her today (with her sis's number that scared my b*lls out coz I thought her sis is not using the number anymore since she left to the States). Congratulations , Pelfy!!! Don't worry Pelfy, I'll come for your convocation tomorrow and share the joy! Also, I MISS YOU SO MUCH, DAI KAH CHERRRRR! See you guys tomorrow!

j o b___f a t i g u e

Just got back from interviews at Seri Kembangan (Selangor), Section 14 (PJ), Dataran Prima (PJ) and Wisma HLA (KL) in 1 day. Imagine the fatigue.


PRICELESS.


It's been several weeks since I actively start looking for a job, which explains the delay of this post. Tell you something; I've been going through lots of interviews these days until I'm crazy tired. And suffering from severe fatigue and minor fever as well (as it rained 3 days in a row as I was riding my bike to the interview's place).


Haihz....


During the past few weeks, I've went to several interviews (most of them are in Ipoh) as all the jobs I've applied is based on the location Perak or Ipoh. But then, the 'weird' part is jobs from KL & PJ are LOOKING for me at the same time. What, jobs 'looking' for people? No, you didn't read that wrongly; it's true. During the duration of time while I was in Ipoh for my interviews, several KL / PJ human resource companies, recruitment companies, & even multi-national companies called me up for interviews at KL / PJ. As I 'try' my best to be polite and not waste such opportunities, I declined most of the recruitment companies in KL except for one single recruitment company & multi-national companies in KL (well, who would reject offers from companies such as Astro or even Exxon Mobil?) . Well, nothing fancy about the one & only recruitment company, it's just the way this person speak interests me. Now I finally understand what do people mean by good communication skills.

Which means basically I'm like some sales person who keeps going up and down, to Ipoh, back to PJ, to Ipoh again, blabla, yada yada. And this is really tiring me off. I'm tired. So tired. Frankly speaking, at times I really thought of giving up looking for jobs in Ipoh and just continue looking for jobs 100% in KL / PJ for good. But the thing kept hanging around in my mind, reminding me : 'Don't give up yet, there is still so much more to accomplish'.


And that is exactly what keeps me running.


I'll be going back to Ipoh tomorrow for an interview next Monday. Wish me luck, friends.

m o n e y

It's been almost a week plus since I last posted something here, and it's unavoidable as I'm just too occupied with the extreme job hunt mentioned in my last post. When I say 'extreme', yes, you got that right, it's going all out looking for jobs 24/7 minus the regular routine of eat, sleep, bathe.

During this phase of my life, I did alot of soul searching in between times looking for a job. My own soul searching. It's been like ages since I last did my soul search and it dated all the way back to my 1st year in university at Terengganu. Which what explains the title of my post today.

Money.

Yes, money. The lousy sh*t thing that everyone needs to survive in this realistic and cruel world, whether you like it or not.

I come from an average family, surviving on standard income from both my parents. I have to say that during my younger days, I live like any other regular kids out there; playing cheap toys, love watching TV, dislike eating vegetables, and started wearing some crazy thick spectacles at a very young age. One thing is for sure, during that time, I don't give a d*mn on how do I get my hands on the stuffs I've wanted. It's like I have those mentality that 'money grows on trees' and my dad always get unlimited money from the wonderful looking machine located almost everywhere. It really sounds and look magical that time, and everything was so beautiful, life is so stress-free.

And this goes on all the way up to my teenage years, in which I began to find out where did the money needed to buy all my stuffs, came from. Nevertheless, I didn't bother about this fact, as I'm still studying and I do not need to earn any money to support the family.

Time flies. So is my university days at Terengganu. 3 years of undergraduate years just passed me by like that.

And now it's my turn to earn money.

I still remember, in between my SPM (during Form 5) up to my final year in university (in Terengganu), I've worked on several temporary positions in a few multinational companies such as 3M and Robert Bosch. Well, they are multinational companies which offer high pay, even to temp workers like me. As such, during that time, I earn quite a lot for a youngster as compared to my other friends. Which eventually led me to the dark side - unnecessary spending.

From that time onwards, I spend almost all my money on unnecessary things such as expensive high-tech handphone & gadgets, computer accessories, food, travel, liquor, and all other stuffs you can name of. This bad habit of mine carried on all the way, as long as my bank account's balance maintained at a 4 digit mark, or in other words, by the thousand's mark.

But...

It has all changed now.

Since 2 weeks ago, for the 1st time in my life, my bank account's balance fell to a whooping 2 digit mark. Yes, ever since I stopped working, my bank account's balance did not increase anymore. It just keep decreasing, decreasing, all the way as I went through my 'so-called-ultimate' travel & enjoyment plan around Malaysia to release my dissatisfaction towards my previous job. From 4 digit, it went down to the borderline 3 digit mark. And then...2 weeks ago, 2 digit mark. Now...it stayed at 2 digit.

And now I can officially proclaim myself....a broke person, with no job and no income. But wait, I think I 'bought' myself something even more valuable. Something that can't be bought by money.

Moderation.

Moderation in spending. Yes, that's it. But is it too late for me to obtain this meaningful lesson now? Never too late. Because during this 2 weeks, I manage to stay 'alive' with a mere RM50 in PJ / KL as I continue struggling to save as much money as I can to last longer until I land myself a job. In which I finally feel it myself as a poor person with very little money. Notice the difference when I had the money and when I don't have the money now.

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No more McDonalds,

but nasi lemak, instant noodles & bread all the way.

No more leisure travelling,

but the perseverance to keep put and work hard.

No more 'limau ais' or 'teh-o-ais',

but 'ais kosong' all the way.

No more long hours of sitting in cybercafe playing 'DotA',

but 'cybercafe package' all the way.

No more movies, bowling and arcade,

but sitting at home during weekends.

No more unnecessary outings by driving the car,

but outings by riding the bike & LRT.

No more excessive meals outside home,

but more meals inside.

No more topping up maxis RM60,

but topping maxis RM10 instead.

No more liquor or beer,

but more iced Chinese tea and plain water.

No more buying books,

but reading them in the bookshop itself.

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Now I finally believe when people say that 'You will never learn your lesson until you encounter bad things yourself'. It's so true on my case. I wonder, what will happen if my bank account balance stayed at the 4 digit mark? I'm pretty sure my lousy habit will stay on, and I will never learn my lesson to be thrifty and be moderate in everything. Initially, I've even thought of going to those REALLY EXTREME thrifty mode, but come to think of it, well, I can save even more money by doing that, but that is at the expense of my health, so why risk it?

Come to think of it, these things are actually stuffs we have already learnt since primary school, but we never succeed in executing them.

I guess I'm growing up already.

And this is just the start.

*sigh*

Enough with soul searching for today. Now, back to prepare for my 1st interview tomorrow morning. Wish me luck, friends.

Thank you for your kind advice and support, dai kah cher and the rest of my friends (you know who you are). I can feel it from here.