e n d l e s s

It's not over yet.

It looks endless. My current outstanding work for my job is not done yet, status last updated on Friday which is "supposed" to be the dateline to complete everything.

In case you're wondering what the heck am I saying above, to make things short, I can't seem to finish up my work. No matter how late I stayed back after work, no matter how much effort & enthusiasm I put in to complete the work in time, it's useless. The only thing I can see is all my effort down the drain, the amount of work can't seem to reduce by time, and I have not only one boss now, but I have another additional supervisor to keep track with my work. Oh gosh.


-- Slight deviation --


Well, to make things short, all the while since the day I reported to work, I'm under the supervision of a manager, let's just call him the "boss". Well, as per my previous posts, I've explained what type of person my boss is. So, it kind of last for 2 months until...my boss employed another person, an assistant manager, now let's call her "supervisor", to take charge of my division.


That's exactly when hell breaks loose.


My new supervisor is from a totally different background from what is needed here. You see, she's from a pure HR (Human Resource) background, and now my boss employs her to be my superior to take charge of my division, which involves lots (& I mean, LOTS) of IT (Information Technology) tweaking. So, now, tell me from a layman's point of view, do HR & IT go well together? Answer?


NO.


So what in the f**king h*ll is she doing here ??


Nothing besides ordering me around to finish up her stuffs, in which she totally has NO FREAKING IDEA.


And please do not ask me to tell it straight to my boss, I've already did so and the only bl**dy answer I get was "Don't worry-lah, she's a person with 10+ years of experience & knowledge, and I'm sure she can teach you lots of new things. She's my ex-colleague in Company XYZ and I know her capability".


WTF??


Hey, Mr Boss, if you're going to employ someone who has vast knowledge & experience in IT or in the area that I'm covering right now for you, as my superior, I'm contented with all my heart & will because I know I can learn a lot more things from that person. But NOW you've employed someone who is experienced in something ELSE who is your ex-colleague and now you expect me to learn from her? Expect me to learn from a person who don't even KNOW what to do when a PC hangs, or start whining & complaining when the website doesn't load, when in fact, she simply mistype the slash character in the web address as "\" instead of "/" ? What do you expect me to learn from her, Mr Boss? HR? Sewing? or whining?


OMG.


-- Deviation ended. --


With the sudden shock appearance of my supervisor, now I'm lost. Totally lost in confusion, not to forget the tons & tons of pilling work, waiting for me to complete with an already overdue dateline, no helping hand, and a bl**dy supervisor who doesn't help out (or should I rephrase that to "don't know where to start"?)

I've been working for a constant 13 hours per working day for the past 2 weeks in order to finish up the work, but it keeps coming & coming like ants. Now I have a bad headache, my eyes are blurring whenever I see my company PC's monitor, and I have a great supervisor who are not willing to learn up new skills & rather bug me with questions whenever her PC hangs or she needs to change the resolution of her Windows OS.


Ohh, someone help me please...


Glad the weekend's here to save me "temporarily" from further unnecessary stress.


Come to daddy, Mr Hoegaarden & Ms Stella Artois.


Another day before hell continues...

v a l e n t i n e s '

Today, 14th February 2009.


Valentine's Day.


As I'm writing this blog post, I'm now sitting alone in a hotel room at Ipoh. Yes, you didn't read anything wrongly, your eyes are not playing games with you, and that is definitely NOT a typo. To my regular blog readers who knew my story all along, you will definitely ask "Where is your girlfriend, L?"


Oh yes, L. My lovely girlfriend. The one & only person, & purpose, that provides me with the inspiration & determination to come to Ipoh every fortnightly (sometimes even weekly, depending on condition). On ordinary basis, it's usually a one-day-trip from KL to Ipoh, leaving early in the morning and returning by evening. But on special occassions like this (it's Valentines') or maybe I'm just too tired on that particular day, I usually won't over-stress myself and I will opt to stay overnight at a hotel. Cheap one, that is, but it's decent enough to last me a night with air-con & water heater.


Back to the topic.


"Where is L?"


She's now sitting at home. In case you're wondering, yes, me & L are still on, we're still a happy couple, and there's no issues (so far) between both of us. It's just...just that she can't come out at night. Still remember that this relationship is hidden from the view of her strict parents, especially her mum, Mrs C ? Ohh yes. Which kind of explains why am I left alone here in Ipoh without my girlfriend on Valentines'.


For myself, in terms of relationship, I'm someone who can easily get contented. Yes, today's Valentine's Day, L DID came out for a date with me, we went for Valentines' lunch, I gave her some gifts, we took a short stroll along Ipoh Parade, she sends me back to the hotel, she quickly rushes back home to avoid further questioning & "blasting" from Your Honor. Yes, it's as short as this sentence, yet I'm already contented. Why?


Because...


Thinking from her perspective, it's not easy to hide such a huge secret from your parents, what's more, she's your mum who raised you up, Josh Groban style, and now she forbids you from having a relationship with EVERYBODY, unless you're a neighbour who stays nearby, owns a Mercedes Benz & a double-storey terrace house, looks like Brad Pitt & have an extremely stable job, so stable that if ever one day the WHOLE WORLD goes on recession, you're still working fine. Ok, I'm exaggerating on the last part, but a fact is fact. I'm not talking bad bout her mum behind her back now, it's just...


I feel sad and heart broken for L.


If you would ask me, "Do you love her?", I will definitely answer a "YES!", no doubt. Which is why I feel sad for her. It's not her choice to have a mum like this, and I do know that she loves me as much as I do. It's just this, this "obstacle" which is blocking our path to free relationship & happy endings. Wait, let me rephrase that. It's the "CHALLENGE" which is blocking our path now. Since the day both of us left Terengganu to return to our respective home, I'm trying to be positive and I kept telling myself, "We will make it though this".


But now...


Today L suddenly reminded me out of the blue that we've been together for almost 3 years already, exactly 3 years when it hits 13th April this year which happens to be our dating anniversary. No specific reasons behind L doing that, but for me, I feel that after 2 years of graduation, I didn't do much to achieve the target to overcome the "CHALLENGE". Not to say I didn't put any effort on it, I tried visiting her mum several times to talk my way through but I failed, I tried to stick hard to my jobs in order to raise funds but I tend to get sucky & lousy jobs which forces me to quit & look for another one, I tried moving on my career at Ipoh but I failed, and basically now I'm back to square one with a whole bunch of failures' behind my back.


What have I done?


People say Valentine's Day is the day to share the love, I say Valentine's Day is the day for me to count out my failures' and throw myself deep into HELL.


Enough of this. Already 8.12pm, going out for dinner alone now.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

Such a miserable dilemma.

h e l l

I survived!


Oh yes, I survived through "hell". "Hell" of working 13 hours per day from this Tuesday up to Friday in order to rush something which is supposed to end by Friday. And in the end? The work was not completed due to its excessive quantity. And now I have to survive through the fear that my boss will ring me up anytime (even during weekends' & public holidays) to get the status on the work.


The evil side (& the side I always favor) tells me the exact same thing I've been posting here in my blog since my last job : This job sucks. What's more, I have a crazy workaholic boss who ignores rest time & public holidays to get things done. I'm definitely overworked and this has caused huge impact on my health (since I've been suffering from fatigue & headache for the whole week already). I'm getting slightly out of my mind already with all these workload until I have to go to Google and start searching for "how do I love my job". And it failed miserably regardless of what motivational articles I read. I'm beginning to fear (and hate) going to work. I always feel that the 2 days off on weekends' is insufficient for me although this is considered good as compared to other people who need to work on Saturdays. I have not been going online or doing other leisure stuffs for the whole week already as my daily routine for the week (or should I say, since I started work?) is sleep, wake up, work, work, work, back home, eat, sleep. Don't even have time to post something up here in my blog when both my body (& spirit) is down the drain, and when I needed to vent all my frustration out. Due to this, all unsatisfaction & frustration is kept deep inside, simply left lying around & waiting for a time to "explode". And I'm not sure when will it happen.


On a brighter side (and the side I always do not fancy)....


It's not easy to get another job now, what's more with the current economic slowdown and mass retrenchments you see everyday in papers. As such, since I already got myself a stable job (yes, this job is stable enough to strive through all the nonsense going through the economy), it's best for me to persevere in this and work on as if nothing happen (I clearly doubt I can do this). Besides this, when thinking from a different perspective, my current boss have his own boss on top too. He is not the owner of the company, and he has his own superior to report to as well. As such, sometimes I feel "slightly" pity for him. Pity him that he has no life besides working (he's at his 40's and still single, by the way). Sometimes I wonder, if I continue working on a frenzy like this, will I end up being like him? He's like a reflection of myself in another 20 years or so, if I continue to work like this. Well, one thing is for sure, his boss is one lucky man.


Tomorrow will be a replacement holiday due to Thaipusam falling on a Sunday, and this is definitely a good consolation for me to get more rest to continue the "fight" next week. And from now on, I guess the only personal & leisure time I have is on the "little" weekends' I have at the end of every week. And that is at the expense of suffering for 5 working days first.


Ohh my dear Pelfy, now I consider to become a journalist already. Too bad IT doesn't fit well with journalism.