e n d

Today excluded, I have exactly 2 more days to reality.

Two.

More.

Days.

Come this Monday, I will have to leave sanctuary, I will have to leave the joy of returning to the place I find peace, tranquility & serenity. Cruel reality awaits my return at the beginning of next week, as the feeling of TONS (note the caps and bold) of emails  in my company email lingers above my head.

I wonder, why do happy times always pass us by so fast?

And frustrated, headache, unhappy days at work seems to pass by slower?

Yes, purely psychological. Painful to accept, yes, but again, who are we to actually compare & weight the amount of time we've wasted on so much things in life ?

Life is too short to worry bout stuffs, so be it.

Will be returning back home by tomorrow evening.

Be strong, be alert, LYJ.

It's gonna be rough this coming week.

r e t u r n

I'm finally back to the exact same neighbourhood I've once lived in, for 2 long years during my university days.

Ahhhh....

Feels good to be back home.

s e r e n i t y -- Chapter 2

(Delayed post – Initially posted on 25/07/11, 9:46 PM, a resort in Lang Tengah Island, Terengganu)

This shall be the last chapter of well, the “island” part along my self-realization trip in Terengganu.

Time flies as we all know. Just that happier times fly faster than the speed of light, before you even notice it. And crappy, stressful, f**ked up times are miraculously longer to severely torture your spirits as always.

Yes, along these 2 short days of island stay, I’ve been relaxing a lot. But still, I felt that the amount of “relaxation” I’ve experienced this round is so much lesser as compared to my previous session back at the crappy resort at Pulau Kapas. Yes indeed, I have to admit, the resort back there at Kapas was so much crappier in every aspect, but still, I felt that my self-realization sessions back there were so much more effective. It’s the overall level of satisfaction, sense of accomplishment . . . . which are definitely missing from my self-realization in Lang Tengah island this round. Maybe it’s because of the large number of people here? Not really THAT large, in a sense. Besides the throng of Caucasians, French & Dutch along the resorts next door and behind my current resort, that is. But well, they are really friendly people who will actually take the effort to SMILE at even strangers like me (which many Malaysians fail miserably), chat and share experiences, not to mention the level of comfort you’ll get by just speaking casually to them. Gosh, now I know how bad we Malaysians speak to strangers.

But yeah, back to the topic of overall satisfaction.

What’s really missing from my self-realization this round? I don’t know, I really don’t know. Maybe I was overloaded with activities along my stay here? FYI, I’ve been doing massive snorkelling, kayaking, swimming & extensive nearby resorts’ side-seeing just for today. Hmmmm, might be possible. Coz this time, I felt that I have so much lesser time for myself to actually sit down, think, reminiscense, relax and start planning what lies ahead. Unlike my previous session, despite having massive snorkelling sessions in between, I still get to squeeze in some time to actually do some deep thoughts before deciding that “OK, I’m done here”. Maybe I should opt for a “Free & Easy” package the next time I do my self-realization sessions in Terengganu’s islands. Screw those snorkelling sessions.

The results so far after today?

Minimal self-realization results, met & made friends with a friendly couple from Sydney, Australia who are currently undergoing some freaking serious sh*t “Visit Malaysia” planning (they will be here up to Wednesday, & then going to Pulau Perhentian, Taman Negara and Penang in the next 2 weeks!), got closer to my friendly “personal” island tour guide – Mr Mahathir (yes, similar name with our country’s ex-premier), and interesting topics discussion with the current resort’s caretaker/manager – Pak Long (as how everyone address him here). Some amazing 61 year old police retiree with 2 wives and the youngest daughter at 11 months. Yes, you read that right. 11 MONTHS OLD DAUGHTER. WTF ??!

Ok let’s not emphasis anymore on other people’s lives.

To cut a long story short, I’ll be up early again tomorrow and hopefully I can get myself a really feasible, workable self-realization session before I leave this island to return to mainland & back to the place I once and always miss so, so much.

KUALA TERENGGANU, here I come.

 

Please wait for me.

s e r e n i t y -- Chapter 1

(Delayed post – Initially posted on 24/07/11, 10:49 PM, a resort in Lang Tengah Island, Terengganu)

Finally . . .

I’m back at the place I find peace, tranquillity & most importantly – serenity.

Why serenity?

For me, I define serenity as a state of mind where my mind can finally put to ease. A feeling in which I can feel physically that all of a sudden, the heavy “burden” due to the excessive amount of stress I have collected along the way from the hectic life in KL, can finally be let go. Let go. Let’s just say serenity in my sense is releasing stress, my way.

Now that I’m finally back to Terengganu, as I’m typing this, I’m away from mainland and also away from any form of communication, be it Internet access, phone calls or even phone sms’. My location spoiler? Up there when I mentioned that I’m currently in one of the resorts in Lang Tengah Island. Not planning to disclose my exact current location, due to I do not want to do free publicity for this resort. Not that I hate or dislike this resort as much as I hated my PREVIOUS RESORT , but well, let’s just keep to the main topic, no?

One of the main reasons I always slot in an island trip during my annual trip back to Terengganu is coz of this. The sole cause to actually do some “self-talking” or self-realization, in a sense. This might sound crazy and cuckoo for some but for me, it actually works out well to manage my currently sky-high level of stress and also to re-set my goals & direction in life. You see, sometimes we really need this kind of heads-up exercise to really grow up knowing you’re heading the right way. And with all the f**king (sorry, I just can’t think of any other better words to describe this than to use the infamous 4 letter word) hell I’ve been through in KL for the past 6 months due to my FANTASTIC new job, I can’t help it but to pray hard, keep fingers crossed and hope that this self-realization trip can materialize by July as I know that the Muslims’ puasa month starts on August and I wouldn’t wanna go to an Islamic state knowing that almost everyone here can’t eat nor drink along my period of stay !

Ok, now I’m here, what is next?

It’s approaching the end of the day now, let me just summarize the findings for today.

I feel better. SO MUCH BETTER, seriously. It can’t get any better to be here than to be at KL having to starve and convince myself on how screwed up is my life. I’m not saying that all the stress I got from KL are due to my current 6 mths new job, or those crappy drivers in KL/PJ which basically drive me nuts (literally), but what I’m trying to say is....yes, my sky-high stress level mainly comes from my workplace. Seriously.

FYI, I’m the one & only solo guest left in this resort for my whole stay duration of 3D2N. According to the staff here, most people have already left the island earlier this morning (after I came in to the island on the morning session, the staff here basically stuff everyone from the island back to the mainland). Seems like everyone needs to work the next day, I guess. That’s why everyone is rushing to go back mainland by Sun ! Hmmmm...good. Let those jokers go back and not disturb my peaceful & deep thoughts I’ve been through.

To keep it short, my  1^st day back here, it’s truly therapeutic and I felt so much better physically and emotionally. Too bad they don’t have body massage here, else I’ll definitely go for it to further boost my current weak physical form. I’m slowly beginning and understand what’s all those stress nonsense is about, up in my head, rather than wasting time to think what’s my damn problem which is causing all these unnecessary stress. It’s like this sudden surge of intelligence which struck up in my head, out of nowhere, I seem to be able to find answers for everything. Too bad it lasted only for a while. Now that I’m clear-headed on my whole situation, guess it’s time to think rationally and go release some stress from my pending pipeline.

I always felt that self-realization/self talk is the best way to solve problems for me, as I always feel that the one & ONLY person that actually understands and knows what you want are definitely NOT your beloved spouse, but yourself. Yes, yourself.

Ok, I’m beginning to feel sleepy and dizzy. Going over to bed now.

Next chapter up ahead the next day.