c o n f r o n t a t i o n

This morning, when I just reach the doorstep of my office, I felt something....

Something....

..

...

Not good.


As I opened my office door and walked towards my work desk, I saw my colleague a.k.a the-senior-guy already sitting on his desk, typing away on his laptop. Guess he has tons of work to be done, I thought. And maybe that is the main reason he reaches the office much earlier than me, as I was always the first to reach the office.

Shortly after that, out of the blue, my colleague started a conversation with me. Well, you say "Ohhh...conversation between colleagues ahh? Usual stuffs lor...especially during the morning when everyone is blurring and stoning". Well, initially, I'm thinking the exact same thing this morning, until I finally realize that....

My colleague is initiating a direct confrontation with me.

Didn't get what I meant by 'direct confrontation'? Let me explain this phrase. To cut the long story short...actually, the meaning of this phrase is...he finally told me what he thought of me. No! Not those 'I love you, you love me' kind of sh*t. I'm definitely not gay (I still love to look at pretty & cute chicks), and this guy is not saying anything emotional or abnormal to me. It's just...he finally told me about my working attitude and how much he 'tulan' me (p*ssed off in Malaysian's Cantonese). If you read until this point, then I'm pretty sure most of you guys would say it's my bl**dy fault that this guy is p*ssed off with my working attitude.

Well, I'm not in any situation to defend my stand. I am a very straight-forward person, and I only say what is right, even if it will drop my reputation from heaven to hell. Yes, true, I have to admit that my working attitude is really bad in this case. Basically, the summary of the long-winded 'I d*mn tulan you la!' session between me and him is as below:

• I'm a slow worker, as I do my work very slowly and often overdue.
• I'm a person who thinks, and talk too honestly, in which, according to him, is extremely severe in the case of being a support staff.
• I'm a person who doesn't know how to think deeper and more detail when a complex problem arises.
• I'm a person who works like a robot, in which I just do according to orders and not thinking of other alternative ways to do something.
• I'm a bl**dy id*ot without any ambition or goals in life.
  
• Because of my weak points specified above, he is the one who gets all the blame and firing from the boss, as the boss 'dare' not to fire me straight as I'm still new and blur case.

So basically, yes, I have so many weaknesses when it comes to working. And these points can be very, very crucial especially if you're working in a large, multinational kind of company. And this is just plain luck that these points got found out in a small, tiny weenie company like mine.

And like what I've said earlier, I'm not in any situation to defend my stand. I won't give any reasons or excuses to backup or cover up my weaknesses so that other people won't see it. Let the whole world see it. Let my potential future employer sees it. Let my boss sees it. Let that guy who shoots all those points at me reads this. (and that is also if he knows that this is my blog!) I just don't care. Just think what you feel like thinking, just assume that I'm just another failure product from a local university, just assume that I'm a fresh grad with no sense of urgency towards his own future.

During the whole conversation between me and my colleague, he is the one who does like 98% of the talking. The remainder 2% is by myself who merely answers with either a 'yes' or 'no'. I didn't retaliate or argue or even thought of shouted back at him when he was telling me all those straight-forward-but-not-nice kind of things. I know, once I start to retaliate or argue with him, it is just pointless. You have to understand, in order to stop a fierce argument or further damage from being done, what you'll need isn't a much sharper tongue, but a solid patience. So, what I did was just listen, listen and listen. Like what old people say, listen and learn. Instead, I should thank my colleague for telling me all this.

You ask me why?

Because these are all honest statements. He didn't frame me anything. Those are really my weak points, and I have to admit them myself. What's more, he's doing me a favor by telling me straight to the face, rather than keeping everything in the heart and leave it to blow from within, in which is what both of my bosses are doing. Yes, I know they are discontented with my working attitude as well, alike my colleague. But they are just keeping these seeds of discontent, deep inside their heart, as they would not want me to slam a nice piece of resignation letter on their desk the next day. Moreover, having to look for another new staff and training him/her all over again is troublesome, you see.

But what's done is done, and my colleague definitely did a good job in initiating this 'confrontation', indirectly providing me with some motivation and also helped to speed the process of me handling over my resignation letter to my bosses (in which I've not decided when....yet).

Sometimes, listening to something which is not nice uncovers a hidden blessing within.

And this makes me more of a failure.

Failure in a fast-paced working world.

My life sucks.

c a s h

RM xxx.

The 3 digit amount shows up on the ATM screen. No more, no less.

In case you're wondering who is this poor broke guy, look no more. It's me, the sadist who keeps ranting, ranting, and ranting about how frustrating is his job, how everything sucks around him, how everyone despise him, and how negatively he looks upon his life. And yes, he's still on with his scr*wed up job, which means he still has his monthly income.

You ask, "Where did all the cash went?". I'm sure people who don't know me well (which is,most of my friends) will say that I'm a crazy big @$$ spender and buys every single item which suits the eye, not the heart. Or maybe I have a girlfriend who shops everyday like there's no tomorrow and demands dinner at TGI Fridays every evening. Or even that I spend most on luxury food which is expensive but not so delicious.

As expected, none above is right.

I'm just an ordinary, young man who lives life as peacefully as those folks back in Terengganu. Yes, I can't help it but to refer back to the place I miss the most, and always miss. Terengganu, the east coast of Malaysia. Although living in a huge city like PJ/KL, where every single thing is so expensive, luxury and 'high-class', I live my life moderately with my small amount of monthly salary I obtained from my current lousy job. I don't 'yamcha' (means 'drink tea' in Cantonese) that often, I don't watch movie or sing K that often as well. Not to mention luxury dining or endless shopping sprees. I just go to work, 'yamcha' at a minimal scale, DotA'ing at home, and goes to sleep. Sometimes, I don't really understand where my cash goes. I would say, most of my pay goes to my car/bike petrol and food, but where does the rest of the cash go?

To tell the fact, I really, really miss Terengganu. Not only because of the peaceful and stress-free kind of life, but to tell you frankly, everything is so.....simple over there. No shopping malls, no cinemas, no karaoke 'Red Box' joints, no bowling centres. Just only a few beaches, several rows of shoplots and the best part is better traffic with less cars and inconsiderate drivers. Not too long ago, my dai kah cher suggested to me to continue doing my Masters back at my university, since I miss Terengganu that much. Yes, initially I've thought of that, but...the main reason I'm not doing that is because I wanted to work for a few years, gain some working experience before proceeding with my Masters. Moreover, I wouldn't have enough cash to pay for my Masters' studies now. Yes, I have thought of scholarships, loan & crap like that. But I just know myself too well. I'm not an A grade student, and I never, ever expect myself to get any scholarship. What's more, my parents are growing old as time passes and I don't want to put extra burden on them by throwing in a Masters' payment 'weight' on their table. And that is without the thought of buying a new car or even planning a new house for the future.

Haihz, seems like every single problem goes back to one single root.

Cash.

Now I finally understand why old people always say that money isn't easy to earn, but it's easy to lose. And this excludes gambling.

*haihz*

s c a r y

Time flies. It's already 6 months since I started working in this company, and now I feel like sh*t and every single day I go to work, I felt like vomiting and slamming my already written-and-printed resignation letter to my boss's desk.

Today...

.

..

...

Something scary happened.

During my usual 'shortest lunchtime ever' today, as usual, I had lunch with one of my bosses' (for those who don't know, I have 3 bosses in my tiny weeney company). As we are walking to the nearest coffeeshop, my boss said something....scary. Check this out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Boss : I still remember you asking me about the remaining number of days under your annual leave.

Me : Ohh...yeah.

Boss : If I'm not mistaken, you have no annual leave left.

Me : (acts surprised although I already know that) Huh?! So fast? That bad?

Boss : Yes. In fact, it's hitting the negative mark by around 2 days or so.

Me : (keeps acting) Ohh gosh.

Boss : Why are you asking questions like this previously? Are you planning to resign or something?

Me : (I was stunned for a moment before shouting a 'WTF!'.....in my heart) Ermm...nope. I just wanted to know how many days of annual leave do I have left.

Boss : Ohh...I see. So basically you owe the company 2 days of leave.

Me : (Another stunning moment, and yes, another shout of 'WTF!' in my heart) .....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, tell me, isn't that scary enough to hear from your boss, when your true intention is to quit this fr**king st*p*d job ASAP?

Gosh.

s c h o o l

Tell me what you'll do when you lose ALL your annual secondary school magazines' in one day.

Yes, don't look at me like that. I'm experiencing this sh*t now, and I absolutely have NO idea on how to get them back. All thanks to my mum who thought that they were just some cheap old magazines' and sold them off to the old newspaper collector while I was still fast asleep this morning.

Talk about ignorance.

*haihz*

a w a r d

2 posts in 1 day.

Wow, didn't expect myself to do this. Actually, I have thought of just editing the previous post to fit this piece of article, but...well, I don't want to junk up my previous article with too many unrelated matters, so let's just leave this special piece of article with upmost appreciation to our nice, dear Pelfy, who have awarded me with my 1st ever award as a blogger.

"You make my day" award!

Seriously, I've never (yes, never) ever expected, or even thought of receiving any award for blogging. What's more, frankly speaking, most of my blog posts aren't really as informative as Pelf/my dai kah cher's blog nor as hilarious as the popular Kenny Sia's. Instead, this blog is just a ranting place to vent my sorrow, 'short-lived' joy, anger, dissatisfaction, and everything negative into one single location. Nevertheless, every single post of my blog is written true from the heart, and nothing will ever change the style of my own, personal blog. And that is why you won't see ads nor 'copy-&-paste-without-permission' crap in my blog.

Following Pelfy's footsteps, I sincerely pass on this award to my beloved fellow friends a.k.a bloggers:


- Eve
- Grace
- Hazel


Notice something familiar? Yes! They are actually on my blogroll/ blog links list, and their blogs are the ones I visit most frequently. But their blogs are worth visiting, and they deserve this award much more than I am.


Cheers, people.

u n w e l l

Haihz, time flies, and there goes my fancy Chinese New Year holidays.

Just started work today, and feeling really, really, restless. Maybe I'm experiencing some post-CNY-holidays syndrome or something? Hmm...

Not feeling well today. Having a bad flu, blocked nose, constant coughing and sore throat. But still, I can't afford to take any MC/medical leave.

This is because...

I have finished my leaves.

And they were annual leaves.

Somebody save me.

And yes, I do remember today's Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Guys : Poor wallet. Seems like he'll be suffering for the rest of the month.

Gals : Savor every single moment of today!


*sigh*

e m p t y.....c n y

Just finished having my Chinese New Year eve reunion dinner with my family. And straight away, right after that, I switched on my PC and off I go, typing away this blog post, fresh, and straight from the "oven" of heart.

Moments ago, while I was munching away the food on the table, I felt something weird.

Something I've never, ever, feel before during the 23 years of my existence in this world.


I feel...


A weird feeling...


An unexplainable phenomenon...


Something known as...



Emptiness.


Just in case you're wondering that, no. I'm not going cuckoo or experience any mental disorder, nor I do not have any case of dissatisfaction towards anyone in my family.

I just feel...

This isn't the same "post-Chinese New Year" feeling I had when I was still a little boy.

This isn't the same environment where I would sit down happily to enjoy the much awaited Chinese New Year eve reunion dinner with my family members.

This isn't the time I rejoice over the arrival of the lunar new year.

This isn't the second happiest moment of the year after my birthday.

This isn't the time when my faith towards God is at its peak.

Instead...

I just feel that Chinese New Year is turning to be "another public holiday celebrated by all Chinese". Alike Christmas, I felt that Chinese New Year is losing its meaning as the flow of time flies past us.

D*mn.

'Nuff with this mindless ranting. Before I forget, I want to sincerely wish all my blog readers a very Happy Chinese New Year and may all your dreams come true. Oh wait! I'm not those type of people who wishes people luck, so let me rephrase my previous statement.

Happy Chinese New Year to all my blog readers and yes, dreams don't come true as easy as ABC nor it can just drop from the sky to your lap. Fight hard for it, and good returns will await you at the finishing line.

How bout that?

Enjoy your Chinese New Year, people.