Saturday, July 11, 2009

d r e a m

As I'm writing this post, I just woke up from a dream.


A beautiful, lovely dream of me & L back together, holding each other's hand tightly. Feeling her warmth all around me. Hugging her as if she is a giant, life-size plush toy. And a single sentence from her lips which feels like the ultimate "cure" for all the grief, sorrow & despair I've been through for the past 1 week.

She said....


"I still love you."


However...


It's still all a dream, & once my eyes feel light from the windows, I know it's back to cruel & torturing reality.


Now I'm awake, writing this post in front of my PC before leaving back to Terengganu in a while more; returning to the place of my ex-university, the place I miss the most, & most significantly, the place where we started off our wonderful, yet controversial relationship. Will be driving all the way there this time. No more buses & hassle flights. All alone. All by myself. Yes, as always, I'll be going for this trip all alone. And I love the feeling.


Initially this was supposed to be a happy & joyful trip back to Terengganu to attend my university junior's convocation on the 15th & 16th, but somehow after this unexpected "incident", it all changed to become a healing, self-realization, "getting away with all the sorrow & despair I've been through after a short week of torturing reality's" trip. I do wonder, will this "so-called-ultimate-trip" of mine, in which I've planned since a few months back, fail due to my current unstable mood? Will I ever, ever succeed in forgetting about her & move on with life, while visiting all the places we've been together during our past university days? Will I able to hold my tears from not rolling down when I pass by her ex-rented house which is conveniently situated 2 houses away from my ex-rented house?


I don't know. I really, really don't know.


What's for sure, I'll be leaving in a while, & will return with an update once I find a place with a wireless connection.


Yes, I see all of you, my dear faithful friends. Thanks for the constant encouragement & support towards my current situation. I love all of you.....


1 comment:

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