Failure.
I failed.
I failed to totally forget about L, my ex-girlfriend. Her face....her voice....her attitude still lingers around my head, playing around with my conscious mind. It's as if she never left me. It's as if she's still my lovely girlfriend. It's the same exact feeling I've felt 3 years ago when we started off our relationship.
Yes, I do understand I have several good friends who constantly gave me lots & lots of support, encouragement & words of wisdom for me to live on. To move on with life. To move on with the challenges up ahead. To strive forward & not looking back at the disaster & sorrow.
However....
It isn't an easy task after all.
Despite me keeping myself busy with tons of activities organised by both my work colleagues & old friends, I still have the "weight" hovering up my head & heart. It's this strong, love feeling I still feel towards L.....in which until today, I still hope so dearly that she felt the same way too. I know in the 1st place, she didn't want to initiate this break up at all....it's just.....she just ran out of patience. Patience to wait for the day when we can finally reveal our relationship openly to every single person we've known, especially her parents. I know.....L, I know you didn't want to lie to your parents anymore regarding our relationship. I know too that your mother is the closest person in your heart, & I'm simply nobody as compared to her. But I just want you to know....
I miss you.
I still think of you every single day.
I still hold on tight to my phone every day at night, thinking so hard whether to sms you or not.
I still cry whenever I see our pictures taken together in the past, in my PC.
I still use the wallet you gave me 2 years ago during my birthday, despite the already worn off condition.
And....
.
..
....
I still love you.
Seriously speaking, I didn't want to be so emotional in my blog, but this is just what I truly feel now. This feeling is unavoidable; whenever I think of you, I begin to cry. And up to now, I'm still thinking of suitable & appropiate words to use whenever I start typing my sms to you. I'm worried that I might use the wrong words to speak to someone I really, really love so dearly but cannot be together at the moment. L, I really want to come up to Ipoh again & see you again, check up your current condition, but with our current status as ordinary friends, I'm worried I can't take the pain & most probably I'll end up like that day when you initiated this break-up; I have to hold on to my tears & speak to you as if nothing happens. Such feeling is total suffering & my already fragile heart can't take anymore emotional damage or else it will affect other aspects of my life.
Until then....
I guess I just have to bear with this severe pain in silence.
I see you, my friends. Thanks for the constant encouragement.
I failed.
I failed to totally forget about L, my ex-girlfriend. Her face....her voice....her attitude still lingers around my head, playing around with my conscious mind. It's as if she never left me. It's as if she's still my lovely girlfriend. It's the same exact feeling I've felt 3 years ago when we started off our relationship.
Yes, I do understand I have several good friends who constantly gave me lots & lots of support, encouragement & words of wisdom for me to live on. To move on with life. To move on with the challenges up ahead. To strive forward & not looking back at the disaster & sorrow.
However....
It isn't an easy task after all.
Despite me keeping myself busy with tons of activities organised by both my work colleagues & old friends, I still have the "weight" hovering up my head & heart. It's this strong, love feeling I still feel towards L.....in which until today, I still hope so dearly that she felt the same way too. I know in the 1st place, she didn't want to initiate this break up at all....it's just.....she just ran out of patience. Patience to wait for the day when we can finally reveal our relationship openly to every single person we've known, especially her parents. I know.....L, I know you didn't want to lie to your parents anymore regarding our relationship. I know too that your mother is the closest person in your heart, & I'm simply nobody as compared to her. But I just want you to know....
I miss you.
I still think of you every single day.
I still hold on tight to my phone every day at night, thinking so hard whether to sms you or not.
I still cry whenever I see our pictures taken together in the past, in my PC.
I still use the wallet you gave me 2 years ago during my birthday, despite the already worn off condition.
And....
.
..
....
I still love you.
Seriously speaking, I didn't want to be so emotional in my blog, but this is just what I truly feel now. This feeling is unavoidable; whenever I think of you, I begin to cry. And up to now, I'm still thinking of suitable & appropiate words to use whenever I start typing my sms to you. I'm worried that I might use the wrong words to speak to someone I really, really love so dearly but cannot be together at the moment. L, I really want to come up to Ipoh again & see you again, check up your current condition, but with our current status as ordinary friends, I'm worried I can't take the pain & most probably I'll end up like that day when you initiated this break-up; I have to hold on to my tears & speak to you as if nothing happens. Such feeling is total suffering & my already fragile heart can't take anymore emotional damage or else it will affect other aspects of my life.
Until then....
I guess I just have to bear with this severe pain in silence.
I see you, my friends. Thanks for the constant encouragement.
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