b a d

1 week.

It's coming to 1 week sharp since I last left my ex-company. Was tied up with settling off matters related to my new job for the past few days, & also a 2 days' visit to Ipoh to visit my dear L.

And...

Today's my birthday too.

Yet....

I feel so bad. Really bad.

Yes, you might tell me that I just returned from Ipoh, meeting up with L must be good, everything's nice & lovely, you get to bring your girlfriend around for a walk in 2 days. Well, that's exactly what I've thought when I was driving on my way to Ipoh to see her.

But when I finally see her...

She acts like a totally different person as before.

How different, you ask ? The way she treats me last week when I saw her....is the exact way when this happened previously. So......cold. Heartless. Soulless. No thoughts of grabbing or holding my hands. No more sweet talks. It's as if I'm going on a simple outing with a mere friend rather than dating with my girlfriend. Sounds pathetic, yes, but it's simply too much for me to take. Seriously, I would prefer her to just tell me straight to the face what the heck is happening, rather than staring at me with that blank, cold look of hers, & not saying anything. And when I have the guts to go ask her what's wrong, she simply answers "Nothing....nothing".

If you're good & there's nothing going wrong, then what's with that sudden attitude change ?

Even weather has its forecast for the day. Yes, I do understand that mood swings at times, but at least, please, please let me know what's going on rather then leaving me in the blank world, staring at a soulless body who looks as if she's accompanying me around, rather than I accompanying her around. L, you know me, I'm not a very deep person, not a deep thinker either. I'm a straight forward person, straight to the point, no twists & turns. Seriously, I don't really like the way most typical Chinese people act; they just love to make one bl**dy big U-turn to tell you something which will obviously hurt your feelings badly. Why don't they just tell it straight to the face of that person, rather than emotionally torturing the person with endless guesses & cold looks ?

And that's not all.

Regardless of her non-understandable actions when I see her physically, during our usual way of communication via sms, she still "speaks" the exact same way as before. Yes, sweet words & talks, words which will make us smile for a brief moment, lovely feeling when receiving an sms. And now the main question comes into the picture : What is she thinking actually? In the worst case scenario, history such as this will repeat itself to torment my birthday with even more endless thoughts & guesses.

Arghh.

I'm not thinking bout this anymore for today. Today's my birthday, and I wanna leave it in peace & joy, although temporal, but it only comes once a year. Ohhh, and she was the 1st person to wish me Happy Birthday for today.

Happy Birthday, oh Silent One.

L, please share with me what happened from the bottom of your heart. I'm waiting.