c h a n g e

It's been only less than a week since I'm back home in PJ, yet I feel that I have changed to a different person.


What do you mean by 'changed', you ask?


Let me explain it from an incident today which, kind of, ignite this sudden reaction.

I just got home after visiting the popular Cheras 'Hong Lok pasar malam' (for your information, 'Hong Lok' is the common name in Cantonese for this night market, which many people claim is one of the longest night market in KL). Got there with an old primary school mate & his girlfriend. That guy, let's just address him as G. G drove me to the night market, and also back home afterward. On the way back home, he passed through the Cheras highway & cut through LDP to get me back. G is driving a Perodua Myvi, and as he is driving through both highways, he's driving on a constant 130 - 140 km/h. Let me repeat that again, 130 - 140 km/h on a Myvi, Cheras highway, which coincidentally have lots of sharp corners. For the ordinary me, I would just leave G be as it is and deep inside my heart, I will run, jump & scream my @$$ out with joy as me myself love to speed like what he's doing during that time. Instead, I feel a totally different reaction during that time. I feel...


F e a r.


This feeling is something I've never felt before, all the while during my driving days in PJ / KL. As mentioned above, previously I am a speed demon myself, and I like to 'fly' my car in highways, sharp corners & what-so-ever on high speed. But just now, while G is nicely hitting the accelerator on 140 km/h, I feel fear. Fear that we might be involved in an unexpected accident (*touches wood*). During that moment, I asked G a simple question, "Wei, is it that you're driving really fast or am I getting slower ever since coming back from Ipoh?" He replied,"You're getting slower-lah! Last time I sit your car, you drive fast like this wert! "

I was stunned for a brief moment after getting the reply from G. For that particular moment, I began to start thinking whether have I changed to a different person, with a different personality & habit ever since returning from Ipoh. Come to think of it, there are really several other things besides this, that have already undergone change in myself. They might be minor changes, but they are also changes that I never, ever, expect myself to undergo.


Previously...

- I absolutely HATE eating vegetables, drinking Chinese herbal teas' (chysanthenum, bitter tea, 'luo hon guo', etc.) & tend to eat non-stop as long as my stomach still have space (which kind of explain my rapid weight gain at such a short period previously)

- I always give coins & small change to beggars/uncles/old aunty/granny/etc. when I see them as I feel that coins are useless, lowly money.

- I spend money like there's no tomorrow & don't bother to save, as I have my monthly salary to cover up my expenses.

- I tend to always talk without much thinking, which kind of offend quite a number of people.

- Ever since getting my motorcycle license, I always thought that motorcycle is better than cars in the sense that motorcycles will never need to worry about parking & PJ / KL's ugly traffic jams.


but now...

- I began to start eating vegetables, although not much, but starting off little by little. For Chinese herbal teas', I began to start enjoying it as well due to the fact that once, while in Ipoh, I got cured of a minor fever / flu, thanks to Chinese herbal teas' only and not Western medicine! Miraculous! Also, I start to take only moderate amount of food and not too much fast food as previously there are simply too many good food in Ipoh! Who needs McD's when you can have chicken rice with Ipoh beans sprout? (for your info, chicken rice with Ipoh beans sprout is a very popular local Chinese food as many people claim the beans sprout is much larger than the ordinary ones)

- I don't simply give out coins to beggars/uncles/old aunty/granny/etc. anymore as I learnt that these people do not deserve the donations. 1st thing, coins are not useless money. 2nd thing, most of them are still capable of doing other more beneficial things rather than begging by the street and relying on other people.

- I began to realise that saving is really important due to the fact that I get a much lower salary in Ipoh and things are getting more expensive these days. As such, I become a much more thrifty person rather than a big spender.

- Ever since working in Ipoh, I feel that we should think carefully before saying something, because we will never know when will the things we say, offend someone. This is due to the fact that majority of Ipoh people, who coincidentally are Chinese, are very careful people in their speech. Moreover, the Customer Service background of my Ipoh job teaches me to be more careful in speaking.

- No doubt that motorcycles are parking & traffic jam immune, but a simple Chinese verse that my girlfriend, L, told me, made me realise a fact. She said, "For the motorcycle, it's the human who covers the metal. For the car, it's the metal which covers the human. Now tell me, which is safer?" As expected, I couldn't give her an answer.


Which is why now, I'm a bit confused. Have I change to a better man or worse? I remember I heard from someone that a change doesn't mean that it's going to change for the better good. Sometimes a change will make you a worse person than before, sometimes a change will make you change your original personality and wreck the h*ll out of you.

I still remember clearly the words I told my parents before I left to Ipoh. I said, "You all look out! I will show some results to all of you; I will succeed in my career, I will also succeed in securing L as my official girlfriend!"


But now...


I have failed everything, and now here I am, back to square one.


Together with the confusion caused due to the sudden spark of change.


There goes my self confidence.


Already so late? Off to bed now. Have a job interview waiting for me later in the afternoon.


Haihz.