It's been almost a month since I returned to Malaysia from Bangladesh. The feeling of touching back homeground on 2nd April is still tingling up my head, as if it just happened yesterday. It sure feels good to be able to be back home again. However, back to my current life . . . . .
Career-wise, I reached a deadlock.
Not deadlock from the physical side, but literally. Yes, ever since I got back from No-Man's Land at Bangladesh, it feels very, very different. It's as if I'm not myself anymore. Especially back at work, when I finally found out the main reason on why was I sent back to Malaysia in the 1st place. And trust me, it isn't really pleasant to hear the reason; the only way I got to find out the reason is all thanks to my colleague's "great" eavesdropping skill, overhearing the conversation between my direct superior and her boss, supposedly the top guy in my department. Please don't ask me what's the reason, as this current dilemma, or should I say, deadlock, is beginning to shoot up my head even faster than high-blood pressure. And unknowingly blow up anytime on anyday.
Ever since I got back from Bangla, going to work seems to be one of the hardest thing for me to accept on a weekdays' basis term. In other words, the ugly feeling of not going to work at all, losing all means & interest to go to work, struck me every single day without fail. Ok, maybe minus Friday's, but for other days, it's like a daily "Monday blues" disease. It seems like I've lost the interest, the passion to get up from bed, prepare myself, tell myself "Ok, cheer up, it's time for some action", and then go directly to work with at least a slight pinch of encouragement and confidence. But I can't seem to do it at all !
What's more, ever since I got back from Bangla, as my previous tasks back there are taken over by my replacement (another of my colleague from the same department), my current job tasks back here involve taking over some st*p*d task of managing inventory, doing stock take, drafting contracts between vendors, and even developing the internal department's web portal ! It's like a combination of an ordinary operator, lawyer's assistant and web developer, all in one good package ! Looking from the bright side, yes, I can learn a lot of new stuffs' I've never heard before, but again....looking back to the long run, this will not be beneficial to my future prospects. Especially the routine ordinary operator jobs such as doing stock take and prepare for packing of materials to be sent out to our overseas partners. Do you think it'll be valuable to put this kind of nonsense to my resume? I doubt any potential employers out there who reads this kind of nonsense job task will simply spit on it and tell me to go apply for some d*mb operator job somewhere across a random factory. I'm not saying here that doing routine operator job tasks' is a lowly class job, in fact there's no job in this world which are useless or of no benefit, it's just . . . .it's just not the right kind of job class for me. Not for me. Definitely.
But again, yes, I really didn't understand why do my direct superior didn't have the guts to tell me straight to my face on most matters. And yes, this includes the main answer to the question : Why the heck am I sent back from Bangla in such a sudden notice ? No answers to that. No one told me bout that. Maybe they are simply scared, or that they worry the real answer will hurt me deep. Thankfully I have at least a colleague who is kind enough to tell me the ugly fact. At least I know what's going on.
I know by saying all these will ultimately lead to the final decision of quitting the current job, but no. No. Not this time. I've promised myself from the 1st day I started work at this company that I shall not falter, I shall not fail myself and will work hard to at least get some sort of accomplishment before leaving. And as of today, although there's not even a simple pinch of achievement or chance for me to reach for the stars, I shall go on. Persevere. Hope that my patience will not fail me during this time of peril.
Even without your love, L.
Even without encouragement from all my friends', regardless whether close or not.
Even without support and guidance from family members.
I shall rely on myself. Me alone.
And see how far can I go.
- To be continued . . .
Career-wise, I reached a deadlock.
Not deadlock from the physical side, but literally. Yes, ever since I got back from No-Man's Land at Bangladesh, it feels very, very different. It's as if I'm not myself anymore. Especially back at work, when I finally found out the main reason on why was I sent back to Malaysia in the 1st place. And trust me, it isn't really pleasant to hear the reason; the only way I got to find out the reason is all thanks to my colleague's "great" eavesdropping skill, overhearing the conversation between my direct superior and her boss, supposedly the top guy in my department. Please don't ask me what's the reason, as this current dilemma, or should I say, deadlock, is beginning to shoot up my head even faster than high-blood pressure. And unknowingly blow up anytime on anyday.
Ever since I got back from Bangla, going to work seems to be one of the hardest thing for me to accept on a weekdays' basis term. In other words, the ugly feeling of not going to work at all, losing all means & interest to go to work, struck me every single day without fail. Ok, maybe minus Friday's, but for other days, it's like a daily "Monday blues" disease. It seems like I've lost the interest, the passion to get up from bed, prepare myself, tell myself "Ok, cheer up, it's time for some action", and then go directly to work with at least a slight pinch of encouragement and confidence. But I can't seem to do it at all !
What's more, ever since I got back from Bangla, as my previous tasks back there are taken over by my replacement (another of my colleague from the same department), my current job tasks back here involve taking over some st*p*d task of managing inventory, doing stock take, drafting contracts between vendors, and even developing the internal department's web portal ! It's like a combination of an ordinary operator, lawyer's assistant and web developer, all in one good package ! Looking from the bright side, yes, I can learn a lot of new stuffs' I've never heard before, but again....looking back to the long run, this will not be beneficial to my future prospects. Especially the routine ordinary operator jobs such as doing stock take and prepare for packing of materials to be sent out to our overseas partners. Do you think it'll be valuable to put this kind of nonsense to my resume? I doubt any potential employers out there who reads this kind of nonsense job task will simply spit on it and tell me to go apply for some d*mb operator job somewhere across a random factory. I'm not saying here that doing routine operator job tasks' is a lowly class job, in fact there's no job in this world which are useless or of no benefit, it's just . . . .it's just not the right kind of job class for me. Not for me. Definitely.
But again, yes, I really didn't understand why do my direct superior didn't have the guts to tell me straight to my face on most matters. And yes, this includes the main answer to the question : Why the heck am I sent back from Bangla in such a sudden notice ? No answers to that. No one told me bout that. Maybe they are simply scared, or that they worry the real answer will hurt me deep. Thankfully I have at least a colleague who is kind enough to tell me the ugly fact. At least I know what's going on.
I know by saying all these will ultimately lead to the final decision of quitting the current job, but no. No. Not this time. I've promised myself from the 1st day I started work at this company that I shall not falter, I shall not fail myself and will work hard to at least get some sort of accomplishment before leaving. And as of today, although there's not even a simple pinch of achievement or chance for me to reach for the stars, I shall go on. Persevere. Hope that my patience will not fail me during this time of peril.
Even without your love, L.
Even without encouragement from all my friends', regardless whether close or not.
Even without support and guidance from family members.
I shall rely on myself. Me alone.
And see how far can I go.
- To be continued . . .
