d i r e c t i o n

It's been almost 3 months since I last started this job of mine.


And....


I feel I'm going nowhere.


No sense of direction, like a lost child.


Ever since I started playing my REAL role for my job on January, I've already sense this coming. The feeling that this job isn't what I wanted to do in the 1st place. It's not that I'm hinting on another change of job (I'm kind of, through with switching jobs previously & I'm just plain lazy to find another one again). It's just that there is no more interest, no more satisfaction in this job. For now, it's just plainly working for cash, cash & nothing else. It's simply for the sake to earn a living.


Many reasons contribute to this factor that yes, I hate my job again. The whole, same old story repeats itself. Just that it comes in a different package this time. Yes, many factors. The main one, I have to say, is no interest in the job I'm doing. Besides that, crazy long working hours, unreasonable boss, repetitive & tedious work, & ridiculous project timelines contribute greatly to the demotivation process too. Oh yes, it's just so easy to write up a nice resignation letter, put it up on a nice envelope, write my boss's name on it, and pass it to him on the next working day. As easy as that.


However...


Thinking from a further perspective, quiting your job at the middle of an upcoming economic downturn is a bad move. REAL bad move. You can say bye bye to your company, but that doesn't guarantee you a better job at another company asap. As such, I've decided to stay put to this company (although the job is KILLING me by day) and come up with a different plan.


A plan to change my job role.


No, not transferring to another department. It's just an internal transfer within my own unit. And I really, really hope my boss will consider my decision throughly, because as time passes by, I began to hate my current job role deeper & deeper. It's kind of like, waking up every morning on a weekday, on a lousy mood telling you that "You need to continue your crappy job again today". And you know how sucky it is. But by doing this, not only I can still keep my job & primary source of income intact, but I can also change my job role to a better one. Maybe changing to an Implementor (who implements projects & conduct training for users) can make a great change.


I don't know. I really, really don't know.


Final decision comes from my boss. And the worst part is I don't know how, when & where should I start from?


Ohhh courage, come to me.

s i n g l e

"Huh, are you serious? Alone?"

"Errmmm....single room? Sorry, minimum is twin sharing."

"No, no. Only two people minimum. Go get a friend or something."

"You don't have friends to go with you?"

"Harr??"

"Are you OK?"


I guess most of you know what I meant by the conversations above. They are true, real responses "thrown" to me during my visit to MATTA Fair 2009 today, organised by MATTA to promote tourism. For most Malaysians, I believe, this is the place where you can get cheap bargain for vacations, both locally & internationally. And I really mean it when I say CHEAP. (well, that is IF you can survive the crowd & you have good observation / comparison / eagle eyes).


Ok, enough with definitions. Back to my case.


The title of this post explains it partially. The real story is.....as always, I miss Terengganu. I miss it so, so much that sometimes when I'm really stressed out due to excessive work or pressure, once I'm back home & my mind is set on rest mode, the sight of Terengganu comes in. The sandy beaches, the tranquility, the silence, the wind, the waves, the peace. No traffic jams, no clubs, no shopping complexes, no ugly & impatient drivers, only nice & friendly people.


Which is why as per previous years, I'll be returning to Terengganu again. Besides revisiting the place I miss so much, I can get some nice, great, island feeling and also attend my juniors' convocation which will most probably fall on end of July *fingers crossed*


To keep a long story short, the main reason I've visited MATTA Fair today was to get the best & affordable offer for a nice island trip, all by MYSELF. Yes, this may sound sadist & weird to some people, but I'm saying I'll be going for this island trip all by myself because yes, I'm the kind of people who likes to do things alone. All alone, without anyone accompanying me. Which kind of explain why, or how do I manage to get sarcastic & pathetic responses earlier in this post.


I really don't get it at all. Yes, I know it's part of their sales' tactic to put up a freaking cheap price up on their brouchers & banners to promote the cheap tours' & packages that they are offering (it's simple : they just put up an attractive price tag, say, RM220 for a 3D2N full package trip to Redang. And then.....they put up a small, tiny, weenie asterisk symbol next to it, mentioning terms & conditions apply. Guess what are the terms? Quad sharing basis, or 50% deposit upon booking. Ugly enough?) But this isn't the exact thing that is bothering me.


The main thing that is bothering me is the number of island resorts in Terengganu that offers single accomodation / packages.


Wait, let me rephrase that.


The number of resorts in Malaysia that offers single accomodation / packages.


Yes, it is THAT bad.


Everyone needs their own private time. For myself, I'm the same in this case, it's just that I need more private time than everyone else. For some people, say, my elder sister. She can't travel (or even live) alone ; all her travelling are done with at least a minimum of 2 persons. Well, I don't blame her for this, as I'm sure most people would feel the same too (which explains the popular Twin Sharing concept). But what happens if someone needs to get away with everything & everyone, as they just need some time alone? What happens if someone is heart-broken, stressed out, and needed more space to breathe more fresh air alone, without the disturbance of anyone else, even their spouse? I have to say, I'm neither heart-broken nor too stressed out, but I just want some private time alone, without any company, without anybody to bother me with my activities. Just me, alone, with my good ol' faithful sound of silence. The gentle breeze from the sea at night. The "blue tears" from the sands of sea, which I love to see & feel. The bright stars shining across the clear dark skies between land & sea.


Oh gosh, the abstract elements are pouring out. Back to reality now.


After searching high & low in the fair for island tour packages that offer single accommodation, I'd manage to find a few resorts which are still offering these kind of service. And the finding are.....ermm....fascinating. The pricing for single accommodation are sky high, I guess even higher than the stock market graph thing. According to the agents, it seems like if you're living alone in the resort, it's kind of wasting the resort's resources. As such, they will have "no choice" but to overcharge me with insanely ridiculous high prices.


However...


I didn't give up. I continued searching again for a more affordable single accommodation package around, and I finally found one in Kapas Island Resort. (for your information, I don't do sponsored post, so don't worry).Ohh yes, no more Redang, no more Perhentian, no more Lang Tengah, here comes Kapas Island, the closest island to mainland Terengganu. Some say that you can even SWIM to the island if you are fit enough. Wow. Anyway, they still charge me an extra surcharge of RM60 per night for single accommodation, which makes the overall pricing more expensive, but for me, I feel that overall, the price is quite reasonable. Getting a 3D2N stay at Pulau Kapas, all in, for one person, cost me less than RM400. Definitely not a good bargain in a "everything-must-be-cheap" travel fair, but the main point is I can go alone. I can go to an island, all alone.



ALL ALONE !!!



Wow.



Next challenge on the list : Getting approval for long leave from my workaholic boss who thinks that EVERYDAY is a working day.


Travelling alone is not weird....ahhh, the joy of loneliness.

e n d l e s s

It's not over yet.

It looks endless. My current outstanding work for my job is not done yet, status last updated on Friday which is "supposed" to be the dateline to complete everything.

In case you're wondering what the heck am I saying above, to make things short, I can't seem to finish up my work. No matter how late I stayed back after work, no matter how much effort & enthusiasm I put in to complete the work in time, it's useless. The only thing I can see is all my effort down the drain, the amount of work can't seem to reduce by time, and I have not only one boss now, but I have another additional supervisor to keep track with my work. Oh gosh.


-- Slight deviation --


Well, to make things short, all the while since the day I reported to work, I'm under the supervision of a manager, let's just call him the "boss". Well, as per my previous posts, I've explained what type of person my boss is. So, it kind of last for 2 months until...my boss employed another person, an assistant manager, now let's call her "supervisor", to take charge of my division.


That's exactly when hell breaks loose.


My new supervisor is from a totally different background from what is needed here. You see, she's from a pure HR (Human Resource) background, and now my boss employs her to be my superior to take charge of my division, which involves lots (& I mean, LOTS) of IT (Information Technology) tweaking. So, now, tell me from a layman's point of view, do HR & IT go well together? Answer?


NO.


So what in the f**king h*ll is she doing here ??


Nothing besides ordering me around to finish up her stuffs, in which she totally has NO FREAKING IDEA.


And please do not ask me to tell it straight to my boss, I've already did so and the only bl**dy answer I get was "Don't worry-lah, she's a person with 10+ years of experience & knowledge, and I'm sure she can teach you lots of new things. She's my ex-colleague in Company XYZ and I know her capability".


WTF??


Hey, Mr Boss, if you're going to employ someone who has vast knowledge & experience in IT or in the area that I'm covering right now for you, as my superior, I'm contented with all my heart & will because I know I can learn a lot more things from that person. But NOW you've employed someone who is experienced in something ELSE who is your ex-colleague and now you expect me to learn from her? Expect me to learn from a person who don't even KNOW what to do when a PC hangs, or start whining & complaining when the website doesn't load, when in fact, she simply mistype the slash character in the web address as "\" instead of "/" ? What do you expect me to learn from her, Mr Boss? HR? Sewing? or whining?


OMG.


-- Deviation ended. --


With the sudden shock appearance of my supervisor, now I'm lost. Totally lost in confusion, not to forget the tons & tons of pilling work, waiting for me to complete with an already overdue dateline, no helping hand, and a bl**dy supervisor who doesn't help out (or should I rephrase that to "don't know where to start"?)

I've been working for a constant 13 hours per working day for the past 2 weeks in order to finish up the work, but it keeps coming & coming like ants. Now I have a bad headache, my eyes are blurring whenever I see my company PC's monitor, and I have a great supervisor who are not willing to learn up new skills & rather bug me with questions whenever her PC hangs or she needs to change the resolution of her Windows OS.


Ohh, someone help me please...


Glad the weekend's here to save me "temporarily" from further unnecessary stress.


Come to daddy, Mr Hoegaarden & Ms Stella Artois.


Another day before hell continues...