As I'm writing this post, I'm currently in a hotel room in Ipoh. As usual, I'm here to see my girlfriend, L.
However...
Today is much more different than before. And it really, really HURT me very deeply.
As I came to Ipoh today with the intention to stay overnight for a night until tomorrow (Sunday) just to see her for another day, it seems my effort had gone on waste due to the fact that she can't come out tomorrow due to "too much work & need to stay back home to complete". Well,nothing much I can say about her work as I do understand the dateline to complete her work will be end of next week. This is not what hurts me the most anyway.
What hurts the most today? I think I'll just cut the long story short with a simple summary.
No more sweet words from her mouth...
No more holding my hands tight...
No more hugging as before...
No more words from the heart...
Yes, it is THAT bad.
I can feel a distance appearing in between both of us. It never, ever, happen before to us, but
today, I can feel it. Feel the distance drifting both of us apart. After being together for 3 years & ongoing, we're now drifting apart with a distance? The distance just came out of the blue without me noticing it. Did I do or say anything wrong that might have offended her? Did her mum came to her & explain her SICK theory to brainwash her & seperate both of us? Did she found a better guy than myself? Worse come to worse...my greatest fear...
Did she gave up on me?
L, please, please don't be so cruel. Yes, I still remember the day you've "tried" to initiate a break-up on our relationship early last year, but it failed in the end due to the fact that we both still love each other so deeply. We had strive through the thick & thin of life, struggled through our final days with projects in university, hid our relationship well enough from the knowledge of both your restrictive parents all the while, love each other so deeply regardless of the physical distance between both of us, & most importantly, hold on & trust this relationship all the way through. This is a blessed promise between both of us; so please, please don't do anything to ruin it.
You know what? Just now while we were walking in Ipoh Parade, we were not holding hands like before. Not holding hands as a couple as you've mentioned that you are worried you might bump into someone you know. Seriously speaking, yes, no big deal about not holding hands. We're old & matured enough not to hold hands like some secondary school kids in love. Also, in case you didn't notice, the topics we've chatted all the way today were merely things you say to your ordinary friends e.g the clothes look good, look at the performance at the stage, there's no parking space in the mall, the watch is nice, etc. Not issues from the heart like what we used to chat. I'm not trying to say "Hey, let's be emotional & start off with issues which can make us cry" or things like that, but I just want to know what's the cause of the distance that is beginning to divide us, just in case you didn't notice. I've tried to ask you directly just now on what's wrong with us, but it seems like you didn't want to explain in further detail. All I can see from your face today is blank. Yes, blank. A blank, unsatisfied, troubled look. If you have something bad or serious you want to talk to me, please go ahead. Tell you something. Do you know all the while when I was walking with you just now at Parade, I feel we both look more like ordinary friends than a couple? And the feeling really, really suck THAT bad until I have to hold off my tears or else I'm going to break off crying like a baby in a public place like that. Why do I cry, you ask? How do you feel when the person you loved the most, even deeper than the love for his parents, walk side by side with you with a blank face like that, doesn't allow you to hold hands, doesn't react anymore to sweet talks or even matters from the heart, doesn't think twice about meeting him for a longer time due to the fact that he comes only fortnightly & all he wants is just a few more hours to be with his beloved girlfriend? And after both of us have done & suffered so much due to one simple restrictive order from your mum, now you stare at my face with a blank, cold look like that? How could you? I'm so, so hurt & torn apart today. Oh my God, now I'm crying. Gosh, a guy like me, crying in front of the laptop. This is so ugly, I just don't want to look at the mirror.
Arghhh, it's so hard to type with all the tears flowing down my cheek. Gonna stop writing this for now, too emotional to continue...
Time, please cure my wound. Or at least, tell me today is just a dream.
However...
Today is much more different than before. And it really, really HURT me very deeply.
As I came to Ipoh today with the intention to stay overnight for a night until tomorrow (Sunday) just to see her for another day, it seems my effort had gone on waste due to the fact that she can't come out tomorrow due to "too much work & need to stay back home to complete". Well,nothing much I can say about her work as I do understand the dateline to complete her work will be end of next week. This is not what hurts me the most anyway.
What hurts the most today? I think I'll just cut the long story short with a simple summary.
No more sweet words from her mouth...
No more holding my hands tight...
No more hugging as before...
No more words from the heart...
Yes, it is THAT bad.
I can feel a distance appearing in between both of us. It never, ever, happen before to us, but
today, I can feel it. Feel the distance drifting both of us apart. After being together for 3 years & ongoing, we're now drifting apart with a distance? The distance just came out of the blue without me noticing it. Did I do or say anything wrong that might have offended her? Did her mum came to her & explain her SICK theory to brainwash her & seperate both of us? Did she found a better guy than myself? Worse come to worse...my greatest fear...
Did she gave up on me?
L, please, please don't be so cruel. Yes, I still remember the day you've "tried" to initiate a break-up on our relationship early last year, but it failed in the end due to the fact that we both still love each other so deeply. We had strive through the thick & thin of life, struggled through our final days with projects in university, hid our relationship well enough from the knowledge of both your restrictive parents all the while, love each other so deeply regardless of the physical distance between both of us, & most importantly, hold on & trust this relationship all the way through. This is a blessed promise between both of us; so please, please don't do anything to ruin it.
You know what? Just now while we were walking in Ipoh Parade, we were not holding hands like before. Not holding hands as a couple as you've mentioned that you are worried you might bump into someone you know. Seriously speaking, yes, no big deal about not holding hands. We're old & matured enough not to hold hands like some secondary school kids in love. Also, in case you didn't notice, the topics we've chatted all the way today were merely things you say to your ordinary friends e.g the clothes look good, look at the performance at the stage, there's no parking space in the mall, the watch is nice, etc. Not issues from the heart like what we used to chat. I'm not trying to say "Hey, let's be emotional & start off with issues which can make us cry" or things like that, but I just want to know what's the cause of the distance that is beginning to divide us, just in case you didn't notice. I've tried to ask you directly just now on what's wrong with us, but it seems like you didn't want to explain in further detail. All I can see from your face today is blank. Yes, blank. A blank, unsatisfied, troubled look. If you have something bad or serious you want to talk to me, please go ahead. Tell you something. Do you know all the while when I was walking with you just now at Parade, I feel we both look more like ordinary friends than a couple? And the feeling really, really suck THAT bad until I have to hold off my tears or else I'm going to break off crying like a baby in a public place like that. Why do I cry, you ask? How do you feel when the person you loved the most, even deeper than the love for his parents, walk side by side with you with a blank face like that, doesn't allow you to hold hands, doesn't react anymore to sweet talks or even matters from the heart, doesn't think twice about meeting him for a longer time due to the fact that he comes only fortnightly & all he wants is just a few more hours to be with his beloved girlfriend? And after both of us have done & suffered so much due to one simple restrictive order from your mum, now you stare at my face with a blank, cold look like that? How could you? I'm so, so hurt & torn apart today. Oh my God, now I'm crying. Gosh, a guy like me, crying in front of the laptop. This is so ugly, I just don't want to look at the mirror.
Arghhh, it's so hard to type with all the tears flowing down my cheek. Gonna stop writing this for now, too emotional to continue...
Time, please cure my wound. Or at least, tell me today is just a dream.
1 comment:
My dear friend... I'm sorry to read this and I feel sad with you. I really hope that both of you will see better days to come soon. Hang on in there.. be strong.. i know you are. take care bro...
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