Yes, tied.
I'm just so tied up with life these days until I don't even have ample time to blog. Or even sh*t.
Yes, it's THAT bad.
Nevertheless, thanks a lot to my faithful followers of my blog out there. I know you are here occasionally to check on updates; it's just my bad I didn't come in here to at least give a quick update on what's happening at my side of this dark realm.
Back to the topic.
Many things happened during this duration of almost a month plus since I last update here. From my main scope of career-wise up to relationship, life, finance & even attitude, I saw, felt & listened to many things, both good & bad, to buck up on my life experiences.
One word to summarize it all.
Mess.
Yes, my life is in a mess right now.
To cut a long winded story short, here we go with the summary for each part.
Career & Finance....
The main topic I've been talking about all this while. Since my last post about J leaving the company, many have changed since then. My boss, Mr B, apparently STILL have some sense left in his head to go employ another person into my team. And yes, as expected, this new person who just came in not long ago, have the thought to leave this company after not even a full month working here.
Yes, my job is THAT ugly.
There are people asking me what the heck am I still wasting my time here doing something I don't like & getting stuck at places like this? If I'm still the old me, I will probably do the exact same thing I've did previously to my last jobs. Resign 1st, enjoy 2nd, find a new one 3rd.
But...
I guess I've started to think deeper & tend to look from a bigger picture 1st. If I do resign 1st & think of getting a job later, what will happen to me in the future? Financially speaking, I will lose my only source of income. Career speaking, I will spoil my own resume's reputation with repetitive resignations. And not to mention what I've said previously that I feel lazy looking for a job all over again.
Now what? I left this issue to drag on & on & on....and before I realize it, I'm already here for 6 months & this month is already my confirmation month. Check out the significant difference :
Before Confirmation:
2 weeks' notice for resignation
Basic salary
Basic job scope
After Confirmation :
3 freaking months for resignation
Same basic salary (no increment + bonus)
Extended job scope (more work)
Now tell me, what will YOU do if you were me? Stuck in an unproductive & not prospectful company like this while leaving myself to rot, or to get the heck out of here to become a beggar by the streets due to the loss of sole income? It's like a dead end at both sides. OMG.
Relationship & Matters from the heart...
I guess the only thing I don't need to worry much once I got myself a job is the number of times I go down to Ipoh to see my dear long-distance relationship girlfriend, L. It's really worth the bus ride of 6 hours in one single day, to-and-flo, just to see her. Looking at her face & holding her hand calms my soul & brings happiness to myself.
However...
Things began to change during the time I see her last weekend.
All of a sudden, she became cold to me. It's like whatever I've said & done has no effect on her. Come to think of it, the sms messages which was once sweet & filled with love & care are now merely messages to ask your current action at home & what you took for dinner. I've tried my very best to find out what is wrong with both of us but it seems like she's not telling me anything. Did her mum told her something about our relationship again? Did her colleagues at work provoked her to something? Did I do anything wrong to make her angry? Most importantly....
Does she not love me anymore?
Like it or not, I guess this question never fail to kill off many poor hearts. And I really, really do not want to be one of them. Both of us have struggled through the hard times, sneaking pass our relationship without her mum's knowledge, loving each other so deeply, strongly encouraging each other during our final year in university when everyone else were so tensed up with their final year project, travelled together to several places while enjoying ourselves, holding her close to my arms when she cries after arguing with her mum bout our relationship, & most importantly, how we look at each other with the love & passion.
And although I confess that the feel is still deep inside my heart, but last week when I look deep into her eyes, I see only cold, ice-cold eyes. No feeling, but I do notice heavy confusion clouds running above her head, as if she's thinking something really hard. Is it about us? Our relationship? Our future?
What's for sure, I will never, never let her go. I still love her as much as the first day we started dating. And I really, really, hope she feel the same too.
L, please don't look at me with that cold eyes. You're killing my heart off slowly without noticing.
Lastly, Attitude...
Something that I don't really notice much until one of my colleagues' reminded me bout this while we were chatting casually about our own personal attitudes. It seems like despite me changing most of my bad attitudes ever since I started dating with L, there seems to be still a lot more bad attitudes left with me. Among those that I felt was still within me :
- Stubborn.
- Money minded.
- Short tempered & emotional at times (but never shown physically or facially)
- Absent minded, yet doesn't like to take down notes.
- No vision for the future.
- Big spender.
- Too quiet & bad social person.
Ok, I'm THAT bad, I have so many bad attitudes, but will I manage to change myself soon? I don't know. I really, really don't know. The last time I've changed my bad attitudes, it was L who gave me the encouragement & support. But now that L is not by my side always & I tend to be alone, pondering where did I go wrong, I guess these habits stay. And people will continue to hate & avoid me.
Hate ? Avoid ?
Good. Let it be then. I love to be alone anyway.
Just leave me alone.
---
I guess this is enough for this time.
Arghhh, need more rest now. Need to go outstation tomorrow.
I'm such a loser.
I'm just so tied up with life these days until I don't even have ample time to blog. Or even sh*t.
Yes, it's THAT bad.
Nevertheless, thanks a lot to my faithful followers of my blog out there. I know you are here occasionally to check on updates; it's just my bad I didn't come in here to at least give a quick update on what's happening at my side of this dark realm.
Back to the topic.
Many things happened during this duration of almost a month plus since I last update here. From my main scope of career-wise up to relationship, life, finance & even attitude, I saw, felt & listened to many things, both good & bad, to buck up on my life experiences.
One word to summarize it all.
Mess.
Yes, my life is in a mess right now.
To cut a long winded story short, here we go with the summary for each part.
Career & Finance....
The main topic I've been talking about all this while. Since my last post about J leaving the company, many have changed since then. My boss, Mr B, apparently STILL have some sense left in his head to go employ another person into my team. And yes, as expected, this new person who just came in not long ago, have the thought to leave this company after not even a full month working here.
Yes, my job is THAT ugly.
There are people asking me what the heck am I still wasting my time here doing something I don't like & getting stuck at places like this? If I'm still the old me, I will probably do the exact same thing I've did previously to my last jobs. Resign 1st, enjoy 2nd, find a new one 3rd.
But...
I guess I've started to think deeper & tend to look from a bigger picture 1st. If I do resign 1st & think of getting a job later, what will happen to me in the future? Financially speaking, I will lose my only source of income. Career speaking, I will spoil my own resume's reputation with repetitive resignations. And not to mention what I've said previously that I feel lazy looking for a job all over again.
Now what? I left this issue to drag on & on & on....and before I realize it, I'm already here for 6 months & this month is already my confirmation month. Check out the significant difference :
Before Confirmation:
2 weeks' notice for resignation
Basic salary
Basic job scope
After Confirmation :
3 freaking months for resignation
Same basic salary (no increment + bonus)
Extended job scope (more work)
Now tell me, what will YOU do if you were me? Stuck in an unproductive & not prospectful company like this while leaving myself to rot, or to get the heck out of here to become a beggar by the streets due to the loss of sole income? It's like a dead end at both sides. OMG.
Relationship & Matters from the heart...
I guess the only thing I don't need to worry much once I got myself a job is the number of times I go down to Ipoh to see my dear long-distance relationship girlfriend, L. It's really worth the bus ride of 6 hours in one single day, to-and-flo, just to see her. Looking at her face & holding her hand calms my soul & brings happiness to myself.
However...
Things began to change during the time I see her last weekend.
All of a sudden, she became cold to me. It's like whatever I've said & done has no effect on her. Come to think of it, the sms messages which was once sweet & filled with love & care are now merely messages to ask your current action at home & what you took for dinner. I've tried my very best to find out what is wrong with both of us but it seems like she's not telling me anything. Did her mum told her something about our relationship again? Did her colleagues at work provoked her to something? Did I do anything wrong to make her angry? Most importantly....
Does she not love me anymore?
Like it or not, I guess this question never fail to kill off many poor hearts. And I really, really do not want to be one of them. Both of us have struggled through the hard times, sneaking pass our relationship without her mum's knowledge, loving each other so deeply, strongly encouraging each other during our final year in university when everyone else were so tensed up with their final year project, travelled together to several places while enjoying ourselves, holding her close to my arms when she cries after arguing with her mum bout our relationship, & most importantly, how we look at each other with the love & passion.
And although I confess that the feel is still deep inside my heart, but last week when I look deep into her eyes, I see only cold, ice-cold eyes. No feeling, but I do notice heavy confusion clouds running above her head, as if she's thinking something really hard. Is it about us? Our relationship? Our future?
What's for sure, I will never, never let her go. I still love her as much as the first day we started dating. And I really, really, hope she feel the same too.
L, please don't look at me with that cold eyes. You're killing my heart off slowly without noticing.
Lastly, Attitude...
Something that I don't really notice much until one of my colleagues' reminded me bout this while we were chatting casually about our own personal attitudes. It seems like despite me changing most of my bad attitudes ever since I started dating with L, there seems to be still a lot more bad attitudes left with me. Among those that I felt was still within me :
- Stubborn.
- Money minded.
- Short tempered & emotional at times (but never shown physically or facially)
- Absent minded, yet doesn't like to take down notes.
- No vision for the future.
- Big spender.
- Too quiet & bad social person.
Ok, I'm THAT bad, I have so many bad attitudes, but will I manage to change myself soon? I don't know. I really, really don't know. The last time I've changed my bad attitudes, it was L who gave me the encouragement & support. But now that L is not by my side always & I tend to be alone, pondering where did I go wrong, I guess these habits stay. And people will continue to hate & avoid me.
Hate ? Avoid ?
Good. Let it be then. I love to be alone anyway.
Just leave me alone.
---
I guess this is enough for this time.
Arghhh, need more rest now. Need to go outstation tomorrow.
I'm such a loser.
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