f a t i g u e

Yes. It's that damn word again.

Fatigue.

And I'm suffering from it now. Damnit, I'm sure it is because of me sleeping late everyday.Or is it just yesterday night? Went for dota yesterday night with my cousin & his friends until 1am without the thought that I still need to wake up early the next day for work.

Haihz, so sad.

Oh ya, before I forget, thanks a lot, dai kah cher & Eve, for always providing me with inspiring encouragement and helpful advice whenever I'm sad,sorrowful, emo & ....well,all those big bad negative stuffs. Not forgetting, hazel & mi_kit as well. Thank you guys.

So tired.

Sleepy also.

Somemore tomorrow still need to work.

Need to get my sleep now.

I'm off.

l i f e

Study, work, retire, die.

.

..

...

Is this the destiny that every human have to face in their lives?

This question came out of the blue when I was working today. A very serious, logical question, fresh from the brain of a depressionist. Ironic, isn't it? I suppose to imagine when my pathetic life will come to a better tomorrow, yet this question totally blew everything out.

God (if there is ever one), why do I have to suffer in this life with so much problems and live with such sorrow? I know I'm considered very lucky as compared to other people in this world; I have a perfect human body, no disabilities, a caring family, stable job, friends, an IT degree, my own vehicle, etc.. but why do I still feel sad, sorrow & lost? Is there something I miss along my 23 years of existence in this world? If yes, I don't expect you to come down here & tell me straight to the face.

Just....

...

..

.

Return my soul to me.

Return my joy & appreciation for life.

Return...

...

..

.

My life.

t i r e d

Seriously, I can't clearly define what I'm feeling right now.

Today is supposed to be a Monday. A freaking WORKING DAY.

Yet...

I'm sitting at home right now.

NO, I'm not fired.

I took a day off to relax myself, simply by just sitting at home.

I feel so....

.

..

...

tired.

Who can help to cure that fatigue inside me?

c h a n c e

It's almost 1 week since I last post on my blog. Gosh, am I busy or what, you ask? Nah, I'm just lazy and exhausted after a week of long work. Haihz, as usual, work sucks.

Today's post is specially dedicated to a person. A person who can say, had total control of my personal life. Or should I say, ALMOST had.

To tell you the fact, I have only met her (yes,it's a 'her') once, and I did not even talk a single word with her before.

NO, she's NOT my first love or secret admirer or what-so-ever dirty crap you have in your mind.

She's just...a person who brought my personal life to a sudden stop. My personal life was so perfect before she, yes, she, came into my life, discouraged her closest relative from going out or being too close with me, and didn't even give me a single chance for me to redeem myself.

It's like a....


DEATH SENTENCE.


The main point here is not death sentence or some other negative crap I usually whine about. Instead, the main point is...


CHANCE.


Yes, you heard it right. Chance. Let me cut a long story short. Let's imagine a world without chances...

- A caught suspect will always be sentenced guilty (no chance given to fight for justice)
- A determined young entrepeneur will never succeed (no chance given to prove his/her ability)
- An outstanding employee will never be promoted (no chance given for promotion)
- A talented artiste/musician will never be discovered (no chance to demonstrate talent)
- A country without freedom and democracy (no chance to voice out opinions or vote)
- A lover will never be with his/her other half (no chance to prove himself/herself to parents of the opposite side)

So now,do you get me? A world without chances is nothing like a living hell for everyone. So, tell me, why can't I get the equal chance like everyone else to redeem myself in front of you like a true man?

.

..

...

Tell me now, Mrs Chan.

I'm too emo to continue this post. I'm off.

i d i * t

This bl**dy idi*t - WKB 7775.

I don't actually fancy cursing in my blog ( it does ruins my reputation ), but what I experience last Saturday after work, totally boils my blood and pierces directly into my patience border.

Just look at the pictures above and tell me, what the f*ck is this bl**dy idi*t doing? He (yes,it's a 'He') came from the U-turn lane (refer 1st pic) and just bl**dy cut into my lane. Ok, that is rude enough, the worse part is he totally blocked the U-turn road for other motorists by just leaving just a small space to the U-turn (refer 3rd pic), and the only car which can pass through that freaking small space is a Kancil !!! (refer 2nd pic)

Now, tell me, when will we Malaysians finally have some courtesy on the road? Why can't we be just a little bit more polite on the road?

.

..

...

....

I'm sick of how Malaysians drive.

'Nuff said. Need to work tomorrow. Bored.

t i r e d

May 2004.

I saw a light.

I ran towards it.

I kept running...

& running...

& running...


...


..


.


November 2007.

I'm still running...

but...

...


..


the light disappeared.

I'm so...

...


..


Tired.

f r a g i l e

Yesterday....I attended the funeral of my co-boss's mother who just passed away last Sunday.

Yesterday as well....I witnessed a motorcycle being smashed by a speeding car as the former sped through a red traffic light.

Only then...

I realised that...

.

..

...

We humans......are so fragile.

What have I done after my 23 years of existence in this world ?

I'm such a failure.

p r o b l e m s

Problems.

Problems.

& more problems.

Yes, this is the term most people hate. And this term also defines the situation I face most often in my life. But yet...problems is also a challenge to drive yourself to work harder in order to solve it.

But....

What if the problem still persist even after you've tried your best to solve it?

I'm sure most people will use the following methods :

• Talk with a friend.
• Grab a box of tissue paper and cry in your room.
• Go on some retail therapy or even food therapy (does this even exists? zzz..)
• Start being sober, rant about life, and continue settling the problem yourself.

Ok,let me quickly go through all the above methods (although I'm sure you are curious what is the method that I use myself)

Talk with a friend - I guess this is the most preferred way to execute when you're really getting frustrated with the problem. Ok,let me get things straight to the point, your friends have their own problems to think of for themselves,they are like you and me,they have problems as well and yes,they do experience the same dillemma as you are now.So,what makes you think that they'll try their best to solve your problems when they don't even solve their own problems yet? This is exception if:

1. He/She is your girlfriend/boyfriend/gay partner/lesbian partner.
2. He/She is a close friend. (Notice I used the word 'close' and not 'best')
3. He/She is a true friend.
4. He/She is your secret admirer trying very hard to get your attention.
5. He/She is a counselor.

Am I right in this matter? Someone just correct me in this if I've left some points or if you think that I'm a freaking misleading freak.

Grab a box of tissue paper and cry in your room. - No offense, but this usually happens to girls, especially emotional/emo ones, and also some 'soft' guys as well. Well, this does help (I'm not condeming this method,by the way) to release some tension and frustration you get from all the thinking, but come on, this is not going to help. God isn't gonna come down from heaven and help you to solve your problem, so get on to your feet and start doing something!

Go on some retail therapy or even food therapy. - Ok,I know that some of us do this as well,regardless of age,gender or economical status. It's good in the fact that alike the previous method, it works to release some tension and frustration you get from all the thinking. But still, there are some disadvantages you'll get from this method; for instance, in retail therapy, unless if your dad is the late Uncle Lim or Donald Trump, it'll definitely hurt your wallet....real bad. For food therapy,well,you know, obesity isn't a good thing.

Start being sober, rant about life, and continue settling the problem yourself. - I guess that most of you have already anticipated that I'll use this method myself, and yes, in fact, I use this method all the while since I encountered my first 'unsolvable' problem. Yes, this method is no difference with the original method of problem-solving,which is to solve the problem yourself. But.....try thinking from the other way round, by using this method, you wouldn't need to :

1. Trouble your friends.
2. Waste tissue paper.
3. Getting obese or waste valuable cash.

My conclusion is....

Whenever you face a problem which seems unsolvable, settle it yourself !

End of story.

Gosh, I'm not feeling well now and the thought of working tomorrow severely lowers my morale.

Life sucks.

I'm off.

v i s i t o r s

EDIT (11-11-07) : I've just added a 'high-tech' plugin known as Site Meter on my blog to track how many visitors I have in my blog. zzz...

Oh gosh, my blog has readers.

Is this true?

Yes, there's still people out there who listens to your rambling and muttering here, in your pathetic sadist blog, you dumb @$$. Frankly speaking, I do not expect anyone (yes, you read it right, anyone) to come across my blog when I first created this blog. I think that most of my blog visitors got here through :

- random blog-hopping (this is definitely rare)
- my dai kah cher's blog (because I'm a regular commentator over there)
- my Friendster profile page ( I guess rarely people will come from here, as it specified "An abandoned blog" from the link)
- Eve's blog (because I just post something over there which leads to unintentional marketing of my blog- anyway I appreciate your effort, thanks Eve).

I'm not trying to chase my blog visitors away with this post, but....I'm just....feeling unusual. I really can't express this feeling with words (my vocabulary sucks to the max coz I don't read or watch news,mind you), but what I can tell you bout my feelings now is....a mix of loneliness (as always) and a little of relief (as I finally realize that there is somebody out there who is patient enough to read my nonsense, negative-minded ramblings over here).

Thank you, all visitors of "~ d a r k n e s s ~". I sincerely thank all of you from the bottom of my heart, no matter you're a stranger, a fellow blogger, a dear university mate, a coursemate, an ex-housemate, or anyone else. Thank you for staying together with me for the past.....errr...3 posts?

Man, I hate emotional/emo posts. Never expect that I can type such an emo post like this one.

Better stop typing already or I'll lose my mind soon.

I'm off.

c o n f u s i o n

It came out of nowhere.

It just....struck me like a flash of lightning.

Yes,I remembered.

It was...

....

...

.

It was the confusion that plagued me 5 years back, when I first entered Form 6.

And the main reason I incidentally found this unwanted confusion is because of my current job. My current job as a system application support is to provide phone support to my company's customers who have purchased software from us, and encountered problems along the way. Well, my job sounds simple, isn't it? Yeah, except that the main software that my company is selling is...accounting software, which I dread the most. Gosh.

Oh come on, let's be positive, I always tell myself. (although I always fail to become positive)

Ok, simply speaking, my job rocks; my company is a freaking small company with only 5 employees including myself and 3 of my bosses, which means I get to learn TONS of stuffs here. Besides that, everyone in my company treats me so well as if I'm some underaged kid. They didn't burden me with too much work and often talk to me with a tone so nice that you will never hear from a salesgirl after buying something expensive from a boutique. So, now you tell me "Oh, you have a godly job which you can't find anywhere else, so what the f*ck are you rambling about?" Hey man, listen on and stfu.

It's not about the job.

Nor my friendly colleague/bosses.

It's about me.

I'm the main problem.

Why? Because I tend to learn too slow (mind you : I'm learning about accounting software which I absolutely HATE) and as such, I do not put in much interest & effort in learning. So, tell me, how in the world can I provide support to other people when even me myself, have such a fragile foundation on basic accounting? Besides, most of our customers are 99% from accounting background, and some of them are even senior accountants. That's why I always pray to myself when I start work; "Please,no phone calls today..." Oh man, stop dreaming.

So, my confusion for the day is...

"Should I stay put to my job or just leave for another one?"

I just need some suggestions so that I won't go cuckoo until my parents have to call the Tanjung Rambutan van to come pick me up during 3am in the morning.

Haihz.

What am I talking about?

No one knows bout this blog.

No one knows about the revival of my blog.

Or even know that I blog.

Bah, no one cares. I hate marketing anyway. But still...

Yes, I see you, dai kah cher. Thanks for your endless support. Guess you're my only reader here.

I'm off to see another part of my life breaking off.

g o o d__f o o d

My pal & her bf looking through stuffs in Petaling Street

One of my close Friendster pal from Sabah came down to KL today with her bf & several friends for a 1 week vacation. She had already informed me of this trip beforehand, and (as expected),I was being 'appointed' the KL tour guide for them.

Well, this isn't a problem.

Nothing at all.

Until I realize that I'm not familiar with KL.

OMG.

Actually,the main purpose of her trip to KL this time (this is her 3rd time here) is to try out all good food around KL & Klang Valley. Also, she wanted to go on some crazy shopping spree from Sungei Wang to 1 Utama!

I definitely have no problem in bringing her to all shopping complexes around KL & PJ, but to find good food, ermmm....that's where the problem arises. Personally, I do not understand the definition of 'good food'. Some may think that good food means a food which is popular among your friends or is some crazy hit topic circulating around people. Well, I'm not in any side, so I guess I'll stay neutral on this.

Back to the topic on where to find good food, I can't think of much. The most I know is :

- Kim Gary (but they have franchaises everywhere!)
- Ipoh 'tauge' chicken (the closest to the original I've tasted is near Bukit Gasing)
- McD's?! (well,this is nonsense, coz they have franchaises everywhere as well!)
- Air mata kucing in Chinatown (is this considered a food?)
- William's Italian food near Mayang (a lil' expensive,though)
- Murni SS2 (one of the MOST expensive mamak I've ever went)
- Kayu (another over-priced mamak with GOV TAX! wtf! )
- Asia Cafe in Subang SS15 (err...is this considered a place with good food?)
- Ming Tien, Mayang (another 'sesated' place with good food)
- 'Cheapest-ever-Chicken-Chop' shop, Sungei Way (where in the world can u find a place with RM5 chicken chop?)
- SS2 Food Area a.k.a 'whai sik gai' in Cantonese (another old skool place with lots of food)
- Wanton mee near Chinatown (same row with Popular Book Store)
- Dim sum shop near Mayang, opposite Ming Tien (freaking expensive place to have a filling Chinese style breakfast)

I can only think of so much....for now.

Anyone care to add into my list?

Bah.

As if my blog has readers.

Haihz.

I'm off.

r e s u r r e c t i o n

When can I finally see light?

Oct 2005 - Nov 2007....

2 years....

Wow.

This is the period of time I didn't update this blog, ever since I left 3M (refer to previous posts) to continue my studies in university.

But,a person encouraged me to blog. Or should I say, continue blogging.

This person is one of the most optimistic & mature person I've met since the 1st day I moved out of my university's hostel, to stay outside campus.

This person is also one whom I respect as my elder sister (as my real blood-bond sis is still in PJ).

This person is a person who works according to rationale and is always loyal to her principles, no matter what happens.

This person is an avid blogger (which I just got to know when I started my current job), and also a respectable blogger in terms of conservation programmes & humanitarian campaigns.

NO, she's NOT my girlfriend, take them off your dirty minds; I'm no drama king!

This person is none other than...

.....

My big sis (or 'dai kah cher' in Cantonese), Pelf.

Thanks for your continous support, dai kah cher. Without you, this blog will be left to rot and die off by time.

You do not necessary have to blog about the happy things in your life.
You can also blog if you have "lost" your life, in fact, these are times when
your emotions are real, think about it :)

- Pelf

From now on, this blog shall revive and resurrect as it were before. Although I won't be updating it as often as my dai kah cher, but I'll keep my personal feelings and emotions in this sad, dark, blog of mine. Call me a sadist, call me a freak, but this is MY blog. If you don't like the way I blog,then get the hell outta here and do not return here anymore. But if you're on the dark side, prefer silence, a loner, need a break from the usual laughters and fun, or simply supporting me coz you're a friend of mine, you're always welcome to drop by, leave me a comment, and we'll make the world a better place for us sad people.

I'm off.