s a m m i

Everytime I look at this image, I can't hold myself but to shed some tears.


What's more, with the fading, serene voice of hers looming across the background right now, playing through my faithful MP3 player. Ohhh, what a mere coincidence !


Yes, I know that crying part might portray me as a weak, useless guy who only knows how to cry when it comes to a level when sh*t happens. But again, this is so unpredictable. Uncontrollable. Unresistant. It's just.....just.....the unleash of sorrow which was kept too long from within.

To cut a long story short, here's what happened :


1) Found out that Sammi Cheng, a popular Cantopop singer from Hong Kong whom I fancy very, very much, is coming to Malaysia for a concert in Genting.

2) Excited, ecstatic, high, for a moment.

3) Went (straight away, on the spot!) to buy a ticket at the ticketing counter, but failed due to tickets not on sale yet at counters.

4) Went to book online at Genting's website, succeeded.

5) Continue to book accommodation at Theme Park Hotel, succeeded.

6) Seek help from a friend to collect the concert ticket at Genting OneHub centre.

7) GOT THE TICKET FINALLY!!

8) Waited impatiently for the time to arrive.

9) Back at work, an offer to work for a huge-scale, overseas project came by.

10) My boss offered me the chance, and needed a confirmed reply in 24 hours.

11) Thought hard, hesitated, twisted, turned, contemplated.

12) Finally decided to let go of the concert, and proceed to accept the job offer to work overseas at Bangladesh.

13) Passed my concert ticket over to my sister, and also changed hotel booking to cater for my sister's checking-in.

14) Flew to Bangladesh.

15) Time passes by, day by day. The sorrow feeling looms deeply.

16) The date of her concert, 19th March 2010, finally arrives today.

17) The initial build-up of sorrow finally unleash itself, together with the gradual sorrow that built up day by day.


And trust me, the unleashing part doesn't look too good on my image. Especially at public.


But again, this is reality.


I am (still) not sure whether I did the right thing by accepting this job offer to work overseas, rather than letting it go, just for the sake to attend Sammi's concert. Despite the short 24 hours notice I got from my boss to decide whether to accept the job offer at that time, I've thought of it so hard that my brain almost blew off, just like that. And with my solitary attitude of not consulting anybody to decide on something which will change my upcoming career path, I finally decided to take up this job offer and sacrifice my concert together with it.


Since then, a question kept haunting me.


Is it worth it?


A simple question, yet an unanswered one.


It's approximately 17 days since I left home to travel to this place, 2580 km away from KL. Nothing, no one familiar here besides work colleagues and several local partners. The feeling of being abandoned and despised, looms above me everytime I start work here. It's as if I'm not appreciated. Not being looked up to. Maybe due to the fact that I'm the person who keeps doing my own job task and don't really interact or social much with the local partners here. Well, what do they expect from me? I'm not some Sales or Marketing guy who is assigned to build and foster up some business relationship with you guys who often speak your local, mother tongue of Bengali ! I'm a Project Management guy, oh please ! And worse still, my Department's Director (which is my direct superior's boss) is also here in Bangladesh, monitoring the whole flow of this project. And what I can say is he's not too happy with me, due to the fact that I'm not the kind of sweet talker or "shoe polisher" (which he fancy very much) person, but in fact, I'm the kind of ordinary guy who works as usual and complete the tasks given to him, not to mention the amount of effort put into work.


Which is why, in the 1st place, I wondered whether I did the right thing or not.


But again, I still remember what I heard somewhere....


Do not regret on your own decision, as it is your own choice.


My own choice, oh yes. I can't possibly blame anyone on this. What's done has been done. And if you could excuse me, I'm off with my dosage of endless Sammi's songs to heal my soul......and deep wound.


Life is too short to work like a cow.

3 - i m a g e s

The self-explained subject of this post simply means...describing Bangladesh (my current location) in 3 simple images.

I am assigned by the company to work in Bangladesh for a project...

...where I get to meet the Prime Minister on my 3rd day of stay...

...and finding this place for some non-spicy, Chinese food in such an unfamiliar location.

More updates to come...if only I could reach for the unknown, long-awaited break off work.

h a r d w o r k

Side Note : It's been a while since I last posted something here in my blog. I'm not sure whether is it just me, or is it that I'm simply too busy or even too lazy to blog. But whenever that particular, sudden gust of initiative to blog comes rushing into my head, it's unavoidable. And now that I'm alone in such a foreign country (I'm currently in Bangladesh for work purpose), inside my single hotel room, together with a working LAN cable, my work laptop, a power socket, and most importantly, a deep thought filled with ideas to blurt out in this instant moment, here I go. I'm . . . . . . back.

The current time here in Dhaka, Bangladesh - 11:13 PM.

Due to the time difference of 2 hours as compared to Malaysia, I guess the Malaysian time is 1:13AM, in which I believe most people would already be asleep by now. Come to think of it, I think it's been almost a week since I arrive here from KL.

And....

As I'm sitting here alone, in front of my laptop, my head begins to flash back in time. Not too long ago, perhaps. Maybe just back to last Saturday, right before one of my colleague return to Malaysia after completing his job task of promoting our company at an IT exhibition here. For your information, he is a Marketing guy with a vast experience in both Sales and Marketing line. So I suppose he's the kind of person who met many, many different kind of people along the way. He whispered this to me before leaving to the airport on his last day of stay : "Friend, in this cruel corporate world we are currently living in, there are only 2 things that we strive for in life. First, money. Second, opportunity. And although I just know you for like 2 weeks (as I just got to know this colleague 2 weeks before coming here), I see that you're an honest man. Too honest and naive in fact. My advice to you : Be cunning, be evil . . . and seize opportunity to climb up the corporate ladder, even if you need to step on other people's head to get up the ladder and make the whole world hate you. Else, you'll always be left behind with this current attitude of yours. Take care."

The moment he finish saying this and left me behind with a confused look, I felt something. Something deep inside of what he just told me a moment ago. It just kinda struck me at that second. Yes, that might sound a bit straight forward and a little bit on sarcasm, but it's true. So true.

This brings me back to what I think of the current corporate world, and the urge to compare it to the olden days. As far as I know, during the olden days, let's just say during my dad's period. Around 1960 - 70's, I would say. My dad told me that people of that age is totally different from what we see now. No office politics, backstabbing, dishonesty, frauds, money laundering, scamming, traitor colleagues, whatsoever. Ok maybe they do have some, but not to the current extend we're in now. Hardworking and truthful employees who really work hard (mind the bold word) and contribute to the company they're working for, will be handsomely rewarded with bonuses and perks, sometimes even promotion. And lazy bums & cunning foxes with mouths as sweet as sugar are flushed down the drain, just like that. No mercy. Only true hardwork is tolerated. As such, if you notice, there aren't many people who rotate jobs during old times. Why? Because they hold on to one and only one principle : TRUST. And I believe 99.9% that this principle have already faded along with the sand of time.

Now back to our current era.

What do we have now? Like what I mentioned previously, the current corporate market is totally different. To cut a long story short, let's just say that the negative values I've mentioned above applies totally to our current working environment. Join the negative values with the advice given by my colleague in the first part above, and you see the big picture. In short, Money > Trust.

After thinking from this perspective, I finally understand. Understand why did my colleague advised me in the first place. Well, it's for a good intention, I don't blame him despite the blatant statement that I was too freaking "honest" and "naive". What he's trying to mean is I have to change my current attitude. I'm not trying to boast or brag myself to the limits, but I have to admit that I inherit this tiny little part of good value from my dad. Fyi, my dad is a great man. I have to give it to him, really. He worked for almost 30 something years up to today, under an average regular Joe's position in his company, yet he still have the ability to raise a family and maintain some saving for older days. And in case you're wondering . . . . all along, he just changed jobs for 3 times. 3 FREAKING TIMES.

And how many times have I changed jobs so far ?

It's time to hide my face under the mud.

Back to the topic.

In the end, let's just say that I will, and continue to be myself for the rest of my life. There is never a need to change that tiny, little good value I still have inside me. The values known as "honesty", "naiveness" and "simplicity". Despite being negative and living in the Dark for the past 26 years of my life (and still fancy the Darkness), I feel that the values should live on. Maybe not from the personal side of life. More to the career part. Despite knowing the fact that by simply being nice and hardworking at work doesn't guarantee a promotion or pay raise, as compared to some freaking lazy bum with "magical" lips which can sweet talk any ordinary human off their seats, well, I guess it's better to stay at a low position, work like crazy, get your monthly salary as usual, and most importantly, you know that you have the right conscience to live and work on. It's no use if I really adhere to what my colleague advised me and become one ugly id**t who betrays his counterparts in order to climb up the corporate ladder in an incredible speed of light, maybe up to the management level. And if I really succeed in doing so, what's the point? The conscience is not there . . . . and remember the poor folks you just step on their heads to get where you are now? They will haunt you for the rest of your life . . . . and not even the most expensive medicine in the world can heal this emotional wound. I rather not live my life this way.

Having said that, I feel that I know where my career direction should head to now. I'm sure many people will criticize this vision of mine as not visionary, not ambitious, etc etc..... but I feel I'm gonna do it despite the critics. It's gonna be :

Work like crazy under a regular position --> Start saving little by little --> Retire when it's time --> Open a guesthouse at Terengganu

Yes, you didn't read that wrongly. That's exactly what I'm gonna do. Open a guesthouse at one of the islands in Terengganu, after I retire. Enjoy Terengganu's sea breeze like what I experienced before, 3 years back. The soothing sound of crashing waves. The soft sand that fills my dry feets.

Ohhh Terengganu, boy I miss you.

Snapping back to reality, it's now 12.09AM, Bangladeshi time. Guess it's time to sleep. Will be here until end of the month, so I guess there's still room for me to blog as long as the "gust" kicks in again.

Till then....

I felt so much better after posting this.